Change Of Heart
by Heart.4.Life
Summary: Sorry Now on HIATUS! Will complete when have more time. Its start of seventh year. Hermione has changed since the year before.But Draco and Hermione are put as Head-Boy and Girl. A lot can happen and a lot can be discovered. Rated for depression & cutting
1. Semper exsisto fidelis

It was the start of Seventh year. _Joy_. To be frank, I couldn't really careless. Father has already taught me most of the stuff that they teach at Hogwarts anyway.

But I can't just leave because I have to "keep up the Malfoy name" according to Father.

So thanks to him, I'm on the Hogwarts train sitting next to two dunderheads and a snob who call themselves my friends.

"Honestly, Crabbe. Did you do anything other than eat during the summer?" I ask him.

He stops mid bite of a pumpkin pasty. He swallows before replying to me.

"Well yeah, I went-" I cut him off mid sentence.

"Crabbe, please. It was a rhetorical question." I roll my eyes at him. Could he be any more stupid?

"I'm bored. Let's take a visit to Scarhead," I said getting up, brushing off my robes. Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy all got up eagerly. _Ah, my favourite pastime, teasing Potter._

I lead them out of our cabin and they followed me to Potter's cabin. I didn't know where he was, but if there was Colin Creevy around then Potter had to be nearby.

As predicted, Colin was waiting eagerly around a cabin with his camera.

"Here we are," I said pointing to the doors.

"How do you know he's in there?" Pansy asked her pug faced screwed up in confusion. In reply, I pointed to Colin. Goyle looked confused, but I wouldn't waste me breath.

I flew open the cabin doors and leaned against the frame, looking at its occupants.  
"Scarhead, Weasel," I said nodding my head to each, and then stopped at Granger. "_Granger?_" I asked confused.

Instead of the usual buck-teeth, busy haired Mudblood, there was a woman with beautifully long curly hair, straight teeth. Her eyes were rimmed with eye liner and mascara, bolding them. Her robes showed a hint of a bosom and her nails were manicured and painted a light pink.

The woman looked at me with her brown eyes.

"Yes Malfoy?" she asked, scorn in her voice. _Granger! It is the Mudblood. Merlin has she changed!_

"You look different," I shrug, trying to sound indifferent. Granger flicked her hair over her shoulder, as if emphasising it, while replying.

"Yes. Well, I finally allowed Mum to fix my teeth-." I cut her off.

"Please Granger. I didn't ask for an explanation. And I certainly wasn't _complementing _you! I was merely stating a fact," I said annoyed. I then faced Weasley.

"Did your mother have any more children over the summer? The Wizarding world has more than enough Weasley's already thank you very much." Weasley fumed and my companions started laughing.

"Malfoy please! Just leave us alone or I'll hex you into next year," Potter said standing up, drawing his wand.

I stood up straight and smirked.

"I'd like to see you try."

"_Furunculous!_" Potter screeched. With one wave of my wand I placed a Shield Charm before me. I looked at Potter, eyebrows raised.

"Seriously Potter? Best you can do? Pfft," I said turning around, "And they say _he's_ going to defeat the Dark Lord. Please!"

Pansy laughed along with Crabbe and Goyle when we walked back to our cabin.

I sat down and Pansy sat beside me. Crabbe continued eating and I gazed out the window.

"How ugly was that Granger girl? What was her inspiration, Inferi?" Pansy said to me, obviously trying to make conversation. I'd only been on the train a few hours and I was already sick of her voice.

"Humph." Was I replied. _She was rather beautiful._ What? Was that me? Did I just think a _Mudblood_, a _Muggleborn_ as beautiful? I must be losing my mind.

After I didn't reply to Pansy's lame excuses for conversation starters she gave up. After another hour we were getting close to the castle when she grabbed my arm.

"Dray!" she whined. I grimaced.

"How many times have I asked you _not_ to call me Dray?" I fumed, turning to her.

"Finally, a rational response. You do realise that's the longest thing you've said since we got back from Potter's cabin?" she asked me. I pondered this for a moment.

"So?"

"_So_? That's all you can say? You're not talking and I'm not sure Crabbe and Goyle even know how to put intelligent sentences together. What's up with you?" I pondered this too, the last few hours my mind was a complete blank.  
"I don't know," I said, confused too.

"Oh, well. Dumbledore will tell us who will be Head-Boy and Girl when we get there. It's totally going to be you!" she tells me, excited. I, on the other hand are unfazed.

"I don't really care. I can still boss people around without a stupid badge on anyway."

"Yeah, but you get your own dorm and bathroom. And you can dock House points too!"

"Own bathroom you say?" I asked, finally interested. Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini and Theo all get annoyed because I spend too much time in the bathroom. But I'm a Malfoy; I need to look perfect at all times.

"Well of course! You get a bathroom like the Prefects one. But all to yourself and the Head-Girl! So you can spend all the time you want in there!" Pansy told me grinning.

"That'd be a bonus. Just depends on who Head-Girl will be." I said. That started off the conversation about who will be Head-Girl, which occupied the remaining train ride.

When we were finally inside the Great Hall and "settle-in" according to Dumbledore he said that he would announce the Head-Boy and Girl.

Pansy grabbed my arm and squealed.

"Pansy please, I don't want a crease in my robes," I told her, shaking her arm off. She shrugged indifferently, still excited.

"It is my pleasure to announce this years' Head-Boy, Draco Malfoy, of Slytherin." The whole Slytherin table erupted in applaud and shouts. Even Professor Snape on the High Table was hiding a smirk while clapping. Being the pompous ass I was, I stood up and bowed at the Hall. Gaining more applause.

"And," the Headmaster continued, "Hermione Granger of Gryffindor."

The whole of Slytherin stopped clapping at once, and the Gryffindor table, as well as some from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, exploded in applause. I sat down and stared at Granger. She was blushing profusely but you could tell she was proud.

"What!?" Pansy shrieked, "That Mudblood? He chose her!?"

"Urgh! I'm going to have to share a dorm with her! I'm going to be infected!" I growled. When the applause was still dying down Dumbledore initiated the Feast. I picked at my food, without appetite.

When the plates were cleared or dinner and were replaced with puddings and all the chocolaty goodness I almost wanted to vomit. That would have been a very un-Malfoyish thing to do. Malfoy's do not vomit!

"Draco, you've hardly eaten anything. Are you okay?" Pansy asked me, concerned.

"Do you think I would have an appetite, knowing where I have to sleep for the next year?" I growled at her. "I'm going to complain."

I got up and walked towards the High Table, towards Dumbledore. I felt eyes following me but I kept my head up and kept walking. Dumbledore stopped eating his treacle tart when I approached.

"Mr. Malfoy?" He asked.

"Professor Dumbledore," I nodded at him.

'What can I do for you?" He asked, placing his hands in his lap.

"I wish to talk to you about your choice as Head-Girl."

"Miss Granger, yes, what about her?" His blue eyes sparkled.

"Well, to be totally honest, I don't think I could spend a week living together with _her_, let alone a _year!_" I told him incredulously.

"Why not?" he asked, obviously playing dumb.

"Sir? Come on! I can hardly go one day without insulting her or her stupid friends!" I stopped for a moment before continuing," See sir! Another insult right there! They weren't even present! I don't think I can go a year without getting either one of us killed. And I know how much Grangers death will affect our dear Potter boy. Wouldn't want him messed up in the head now would we?" I told him sweetly. Grinning.

He looked at me for a moment.

"Woops, another one right there." I said, deciding to be honest. "Please sir! You're going to get one of us killed. And it won't be me! I could beat Granger in a duel in a second. Woops, and other one. Honestly sir. This isn't going to be beneficial for either of us."

He was still quiet.

"Then at least give us bloody separate dorms, for Merlin's sake!" I exploded. I heard the Great Hall quiet down. I turned around, expecting to see nothing, but the Great Hall when I was started by a fuming Granger.

A really _sexy_ fuming Granger. I smirked at her. I was enjoying her reaction so much; I missed her hand movement. I noticed it just before it interacted with my cheek.

"Ow! What the _fuck_ Granger?" I asked incredulously, rubbing my cheek. She smirked at me.

"Language Mr Malfoy," The Headmaster says sternly and I turn around and stare at him.  
"That's what you say? When you just saw that Mudblood slap me, right in front of your eyes! That's all you fucking say? What the fuck is your problem?" I explode.

The Headmaster was fuming.

"LANGUAGE Mr Malfoy! 50 points from Slytherin! Now you better watch your mouth and your wand Mr Malfoy or you just might lose your place as Head-Boy," Dumbledore yelled. The Great Hall was eerily silent. I shut my mouth and glared at him.

"Good. Now you _will_ listen to me. You and Miss Granger both are Head of the school. So start setting a _good_ example, for the younger years. Swearing and hitting people is not tolerated in this school. As Head's you _will_ share a dorm, you _will_ share Head duties. They include the rounds, which you _must _do together! Any more complaints from either of you, you will both be removed of your badge," he said, his bright blue eyes glinting in anger.

I turned around to look at Granger, she was annoyed as well. But we both shut our mouths.

"Yes Headmaster," Granger replied softly.

"I understand, Professor Dumbledore."

Dumbledore smiles now, anger completely gone from his face.

"Good. Now that's settled, if you wish you can go to your dorm now," he said, conjuring a piece of parchment, "This has the instructions and password to the dorm. However, you may change it if you like. You may also put passwords on your bedroom doors, but for that you need to come to me first and I shall arrange it." He then passed me the parchment which I then pocketed.

"Thank you Headmaster. If that's all, I shall be leaving now," I say, turning around. Granger is still standing there.

"Granger, please move. Anyone else would think you're a statue," I say. She doesn't speak but she nods at the Headmaster before walking down the aisle towards the front doors. I follow her, nodding politely at Pansy, who just looks solemnly at me.

As soon as Granger and I leave the Hall and are out of ear shot she turns and stares at me.

"What the hell is _your _problem Malfoy?" she screeches at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked, bewildered.

"Going to the Headmaster? You could have lost us both our badges! What the hell were you thinking?" she asked. If she turned any redder, she could count as a Weasley.

"I was thinking Granger that I couldn't spend a whole year, sharing a dorm with you. For having to wake up seeing you, and go to bed knowing you'll be the last person to see, sounds as pleasant as killing myself. Excuse me for not wanting to die." I say crossing my arms across my toned chest.

"You think I want to spend a whole year in a dorm with _you_ too? I don't want to live in the same quarters as someone who calls me names every single day," she said, her golden brown eyes shining in anger. Her make-up only intensified this.

"Be reasonable Granger. I don't tease you every day. Maybe every second," I smirk at her, "And when you say you don't want to live with me? You're lying. Any other girl would pay _money_ to live anywhere _near _me!"

"Well I'm not any other girl am I Malfoy?" she replies back at me.

"No you're not. You," I say, sauntering towards her, "are a filthy, dirty, Mudblood Gryffindor. You shouldn't even be here!"

I hit a nerve. I felt like a bastard, watching her eyes now softening and glistening with tears. But she deserved it. She had hit me. No-one hits a Malfoy. She kept her mouth shut. So I continued.

"Your new make-over, is it called, makes you look like a tramp! Stop pretending Granger. You'll never fit in, you're still the same as always. It doesn't matter if your hair isn't bushy, or you actually put on make-up now. It doesn't matter! Because everyone will look through it all and see the dirty, disgusting Mudblood that you are!"

Now there were tears falling silently down her face, wrecking her eye make-up, her eye liner and mascara running down.

"Why?" was as she said softly as she turned around. I frown, not the reaction I was looking for. I

I walk past her, leading the way towards our dorm. When we reached the third level I turned to the painting of a young boy, sitting on a bench.

He was young, maybe eleven or twelve. He had short brown hair and was wearing a pair of pin-striped pants, with only a white collared shirt.

"Password," he said standing up when we approached. Granger still hadn't said anything; tears were still running down her face.

"_Semper exsisto fidelis_," I say to him. He nods at me and swings open the portrait. I walked forwards first into the dorm for the rest of the year.

It was perfectly suited to the both of us. The left half of the large lounge room was decorated in green and silver- Slytherin colours. The right half was disgusting, decorated in red and gold. Bloody Gryffindor colours.

Granger didn't stop to appreciate all the effort put into the room.

There were many beautifully crafted mahogany tables and chairs, two luxurious long couches, one in green, the other in red. Another set of matching mahogany coffee tables.

Even on the walls there were some many beautiful portraits and paintings.

"_Always be true_. The old man is a fool." I threw the parchment onto the nearest table.

Granger is already heading to her room. She walks slowly up the right set of stairs to her bedroom.

I shrug off her mood. _Moody bitch_.

Then I start walking up my own set of stairs towards my own room. It had been a _long_ day.


	2. Mutilation

_Hey guys!_

_Here is the next instalment.  
Sorry it has taken so long to write. I've had a lot on my plate. I will promise to get back on track._

_More reviews…Please??_

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I woke up from the sun shining through my bedroom window. I groaned, turning my head away from the light. I was definitely _not_ a morning person.

When I realised there was no possible way to get back to sleep without the help from a Sleeping Potion from Snape or the Hospital Wing I decided to get up.

I stood up and stretched, my green silk boxers hugging my waist. I looked down and grinned. I had a fabulous body. All the years of Quidittch had been paying off. My chest was well toned, complete with a six-pack and my arms were well muscled. It was greatly balanced so I didn't look like a muscle freak.

I strode out of my room and walked into _my _bathroom. My own bathroom. It's times like these life is grand. I smiled for the first time that morning when I saw that the elf's had already placed all my potions, gels and creams that I needed to make my hair as gorgeous as it always is and make my skin beautifully soft.

I sighed happily and took a long, peaceful shower.

With my towel wrapped loosely around my waist I walked towards my bedroom.

I walked past Grangers' room and stopped mid-stride.

I heard, even from outside the room I could hear crying. But it wasn't like she was crying last night. She was like hysterical. I could hear her crying and screaming, and loud thuds, which made me image that she was throwing things at the wall.

I opened the door cautiously and peeked my head in. She was running around her room-which was identical to mine - except in Gryffindor colours - in her pyjamas, tears running down her face. Her hair was frizzy again, askew around her red and blotchy face. I saw red lines on her wrist, I frowned.

Why were they there? How did she get them?

She hadn't heard me enter, and I wanted it to stay that way.

Then she picked up a book from her desk and through it at the wall screaming "Why?"

I took that as my cue to leave.

I closed the door silently and held back a laugh. As I entered my own bedroom I started laughing. I had found the whole thing quite funny. She looked like a madman, or in her case, woman.

Then I stopped. I frowned, thinking back to when I saw the red lines on her wrist. They had to be cuts, they couldn't be anything else. I was curious to know how she had acquired them. It was possible that her stupid cat Crookshanks had done them, but they looked too straight and precise.

My train of thought was broken when I remembered I was still only in my towel. I laughed once more and hurried to my closet and got changed.

I left the dorm shortly after I had fixed my hair and was properly dressed. I strode into the Great Hall, which was almost full and sauntered over to the Slytherin table where Pansy sat. I slid into the spare space next to her and started grabbing food.

"Dray!" Pansy squealed happily when I sat beside her. I held back a groan. Did they learn nothing?

"Pansy," I nodded curtly at her, taking a bit of toast. I would _not_ get angry.

I took a sip of pumpkin juice and glanced around the Hall. My eyes automatically stopped at the Gryffindor table, to a certain trio. My eyes zoomed onto the female of the group.

Grangers' hair was sleek and shiny once again. She was smiling happily at Weasel and Scarhead but I saw her brush her fingers lightly over wrists. Then I looked closer, she was smiling, but her eyes were filled with pain and hurt. I followed her hands and I gasped, suddenly understanding where her cuts came from.

They were self-inflicted!

I was mortified. Wizards and witches rarely inflicted harm upon themselves. It is almost unheard of. I couldn't believe Granger had stooped that low. To mutilate her body, for reasons unknown. It made me feel sick.

"Dray?" Pansy asked, poking my arm, "what's wrong?" I tore my eyes away from Granger and stared at Pansy, my face still showing shock.

"What? What happened?" she asked hysterically. I shook my head, and composed my face.

"Nothing, I just remembered I forgot something." Then I looked up and saw Granger was getting up too. "I've got to go get it. See you later."

With that I jumped up and paced out the Great Hall. When I reached the portrait I stopped and stared at it. _Why do I care if Granger cuts?_ I asked myself.

"Well do you want to enter or not?" The young boy asked annoyed. I look at him for a moment before turning around.

_Not my problem. _

The bell sounded for start of the first day of lessons, and I hurried of to Transfiguration.

The rest of the day went smoothly. Most teachers droned on about N.E.W.T.S and how important they were. About how much we needed to study and practise.

It was surprising as well, to say the least. Granger, being the book worm and know-it-all didn't raise her hand to answer any questions, or to ask one. She just kept her head down and wrote down notes.

Scarhead and Weasel were so blind they didn't even notice. I noticed, and I hated her! What kind of friends were they?

Of course, when I noticed these things I asked myself 'Why?" Why did I see these things, and why does it seem that I care.

I groaned after classes had finished. I really didn't want to see Granger, she was getting on my nerves, and she hadn't even done anything.

I walked slowly back towards my dorm hating myself. This was a very rare thing to do. I'd been at this school for just under two days and I already hated it. My friends are dunderheads and my roommate cuts.

Is there anything else that can go wrong?

Okay, completely wrong question. _A lot _more can go wrong.

I shudder at what else could possibly happen in my life and come across the portrait of the young boy.

"Hurry up please Draco. I do have other things to do," he said annoyed.

"And what would they be?" I sneered.

"If you must know I have a date with the pretty young girl hung in the Charms staircase," the young boy replied.

"Oh fine. _Semper exsisto fidelis_," I said frustrated. The young boy smiled and swung open the portrait. I reluctantly strode into my dorm.

Granger was reading on her red lounge. She had her feet propped up on the coffee table and she seemed very relaxed. But as soon as she heard me enter I saw her stiffen.

I walked past her and almost gasped. Her face was red and puffy, and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot.

She'd been crying again.

"What's up Granger?" I asked, honestly concerned. I mean, how many times could she possibly cry in one friggen day?

"Like you care!" She spat at me angrily. My eyes widened.

"Jeeze, calm down Granger. I was only asking," I said, holding my hands up in mock defeat. She just glared at me, one that was worthy of Slytherin.

I stormed upstairs, annoyed once again. I was only goddamn asking and shit gets all moody at me. So selfish!

It was people like her I was hardly nice to people. I mean, if I got these reactions who would want to be nice?

I slammed my door. I do one nice thing and I get yelled at. What was wrong with her?

I decided I would get ahead of Transfiguration. I couldn't believe McGonagall gave us homework already! First day back, it was ridiculous!

I sighed and got my books out.

It had been yet another extremely long day. Far from boring however- Grangers' secret. Oh yes, I really _should_ do something about that. But why bother? She probably doesn't want help anyway.

It was going to be a really interesting year indeed.

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	3. I Wish

_Ah, yet another chapter. Many people asked what was wrong with Hermione. You won't find out in this chapter sadly, :( But you will know soon enough.  
Enjoy!_

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The remaining days of the week had passed slowly enough. Granger was still being a total bitch. Every time I simply _spoke_ to her she yells at me! Who does that? She's been annoying me off more than usual. I mean, _a lot_, more than usual.

Not only had she been yelling at me but when she was in the dorm she was always moping around. During the past week I hadn't seen her smile once, not that I was looking at her a lot. Just the Golden Trio was hard to miss. At least that was what I told myself.

Enough about Granger.

It's currently Friday afternoon and I am bored. Granger is absent and I am alone. It is very rare that I'm alone. So I decided to take it for granted.

I walked up the dorm stairs towards our bedrooms. But instead of going to mine I walked towards Granger's.

I tested the door.

Locked.

She must have placed a spell or something on it since earlier this week. Alohomora wouldn't work. So I decided that she had placed a password on it.

"Hello?" I asked stupidly. Then, suddenly a portrait appeared on the wall.

It was of a young woman, in her early 30's. She had long curly brown hair and her eyes were a fierce blue. She wore a simple but elegant white dress. It hung perfectly on her collarbone and showed off her perfect figure. She was very beautiful.

"Ah, yes. Mr. Malfoy," said she.

"Er. Hello. How do you know my name?" I asked, wary of her.

"Hermione has told me all about you," she said simply.

"Right. Who are you?" I questioned her.

"Why I'm Hermione's mother of course!" I just stared at her, disbelief.

"What?" I asked her, totally confused.

"I'm her mother. Well," she said contemplating, "her biological mother at least."

"Her biological mother?" I said stupidly. Not much of this was registering in my head.

"Yes. She was taken from me just after she was born. But she found me," she said flattening her hair down.

"Then how come you're a portrait, in Hogwarts," I said in disbelief.

"I died. But Hermione found my grave and decided to make me into portrait. She cast a few spells and here I am. I can talk and everything! It's very surreal," she gushed.

"Hmm, I'll bet. What's your name?"

"Aphrodite. Aphrodite Willows."

Aphrodite, the Goddess of Beauty, also known as Venus. Seemed slightly fitting.

It was such an odd name. But I suppose Hermione is too.

"Nice to meet you," I said slowly, not meaning it at all. "Can you let me in?"

"Of course not!" she said startled.

"Why not?" I asked angrily.

"You've not got the password," she said sweetly. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh right. So you'd let me in if I had the password?" She nodded in reply. "Can you give me a hint?"

"Of course, you're Head Boy. She said it to you after the Feast in the Great Hall, first night back," Aphrodite said.

I stood there for a while, our, well it definitely wasn't a conversation, our argument.

"Is it in Latin?" I asked her.

"No," she said sounding bored.

I thought for a bit more.

"Is it, 'I'm not any other girl'?" I asked.

"No, keep trying," Aphrodite said smiling.

"Hmm," I said thoughtfully.

Then it clicked in. I knew it. The one word Granger had uttered after I call her all those horrible but true words.

"'_Why?' _" I said to her. And Aphrodite grinned.

"Yes! You got it." With that she swung open the door. I grinned at her and walked forward into Granger's room. I was shocked, to say the least, she had completely changed the colour scheme. Instead of being in Gryffindor colours it was now black. Everything! The walls, the ceiling, the furniture. The only other colour was her bed sheets, which were a vibrant red.

"What did she do?" I asked incredulously. I didn't even know we could change the colour!

"She changed the colour herself. She told me that the red and gold that once decorated this room seemed too happy. So she changed it," Hermione's mother said sadly from the other side of the door.

"Merlin!" I exclaimed. Then I remembered my duty. Search and find!

I started with her desk. Nothing was on it, and there was nothing in the draws except books and school notes.

"How boring," I said, walking to her dresser. I started sifting through that. Once again, being disappointed. It wasn't till I got to the bedside tables that I found something interesting. I got to the 2nd table and the 3rd draw before I found something. And boy did I find something!

In the drawer I saw an old leather bound book. I knew it wasn't a school book, and it didn't look like it was a reading book so I pulled it out, grinning. I was disappointed again however when I found that it was blank. Not one word, not a date, not even quill scribble. I sat on her bed and looked pointlessly at it for a moment.

"If you want to _reveal_ her secrets, you will need to open your eyes! Although you may not want to know," Aphrodite added sadly. I looked up at her. Instantly knowing what she meant.

Not about the not wanting to know, that made no sense at all.

But the reveal her secrets I totally got! I pulled out my wand from my sleeve.

"_Aparecium_," I murmured at the book. Straight away writing began to appear on the cover.

'_Diary of Hermione Granger.'_ The cover said and I grinned like a madman.

I had Granger's diary! All her secrets, all her wishes, her hopes, her crushes. It was all here in my hands!

"Thanks!" I said excitedly to Aphrodite. She smiled sadly at me. I was unsure why, but I didn't think about it. I was too excited at having Granger's diary.

I knew Granger would most likely be back soon I decided I couldn't wait till she was gone again to read it.

"_Describo_," I pointed at the diary, and beside it appeared a copy of the same book. "_Accepto abiciodies_." Which in Latin, literally meant, to copy, and to receive and update. So when ever Granger wrote in her real diary, the entry would appear in my copied version.

I grinned. Now I could read it whenever I wished. I carefully placed her diary back in the right drawer and picked up my copy. I looked around her darker room and saw nothing out of place so I left.

"Thank you Aphrodite," I said walking out. I couldn't wait to start reading! Which I something I never thought I hear myself say, or think.

I hide Granger's diary under my pillow in case she decided to check my room as well. Hmm, with that thought I decided to see out Dumbledore for a password.

An hour later he was in his room, which was now protected by a password.

My portrait was actually Salazar Slytherin, although no-one but he knew.

I had found his portrait in the Room of Requirement when I had lost my Dark Arts book that Father had given me. I had mentioned it lightly to Dumbledore, who acted as though it was natural.

"What is the password you wish to have?" Dumbledore had asked me in his office.

"_Will I ever know_?" I told him.

It seemed fitting. But I know that soon I will know. I'll know why Granger cuts, and I'll know why she's always moody. Thanks to my amazing magic skills and the help of Granger's mother.

Salazar was quite interesting. He had been ecstatic about being removed from his hiding place.

"Thank you Mr. Malfoy! You have no idea how long I've been in that horrible room! I thought that Dumbledore would never have approved," he said, as I was lounging on my bed.

"So Dumbledore knew who you were?" I asked him, shocked.

"Oh yes. He was the man who put my in that godforsaken room in the first place!" Slytherin said hotly.

"Dumbledore put you're portrait away? But you're a founder!" I told him incredulously.

"Oh yes. But that never stopped Dumbledore. I don't think he wanted me around. I bet he though that I would disrupt the students!" Salazar said angrily.

"Would you?" I asked curious.

"That's no reason to hide me!" Salazar said embarrassed.

I just laughed at him.

It was getting dark outside so I decided to go to the Great Hall for dinner. It was much more boring but I couldn't help smiling when my eyes flickered over to Granger. She had no idea that I had her diary, and how much blackmail and pain I could put her through. I was so evil!

I visited the Slytherin Common Room after desert with Pansy and Theo. Vincent and Greg were still at dinner, pigging out on all the sweets.

I was only there for about and hour before I said I wished to retire. This really meant that I wanted to read Granger's diary that hid beneath my pillow.

I was almost jumping up the stairs to my bedroom, which is a very un-Malfoy thing to do. Although that explain just how anxious I was to read it.

When I entered my bedroom however, I realised that I needed a shower. Granger's diary would just have to wait an hour. My shower was cut short when my patience died out. It was half as long as it usually was, but on the bright side I did get all my hair and skin products covered.

I walked slowly towards my bedroom as Granger was walking up the stairs.

"'Night," I said, to her. She looked up sharply. Her face showed sadness, then anger and then finally confusion. I just walked past her, a hidden smile on my lips. If only she knew. I closed my door softly behind and got dressed in my green silk pyjama's.

I climbed into bed and gladly took out Granger's diary.

I opened her diary and revealed the invisible ink again before reading.

The first entry was from the holidays. Boring!

I turned to Sunday, the first day back. Great, she had written in her dorm after we were first shown our dorm.

As soon as I started to read I felt sick. I really wish I had never found her stupid diary.

I read her diary, wishing I could just drop it.

But I couldn't, as much as I wanted to. I knew I had to read on, or my questions would remain unanswered and I'd come back to this later.

I should have listened to Aphrodite. Her words rang in my ears.

"_If you want to reveal her secrets, you will need to open your eyes! __Although you may not want to know__."_

I took a deep breath and continued reading.

* * *

_Haha, Cliffy!  
__Aren't I evil? *Evil cackle here.*  
__Please don't hate me!  
__Don't worry, I'll update ASAP._

_I'll give you a hint. The next chapter will hopefully be Hermione's Diary entries. _

_Click that button! You know you want to!  
__REVIEW!_

_Love Heart._


	4. Hermione's Diary

_Hahaha. You all think I'm evil!  
__I'm sorry!  
I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I took so long because I wanted it to be really good. I built up loads of suspense so I didn't want it to be crappy.  
__**A.N: I don't think anyone noticed, but this is set in 7**__**th**__** year, so Dumbledore should be dead. But in my story he's alive, (duhh). And Voldemort is still alive.  
**__Enjoy!_

* * *

I had to keep reading. I knew I had too, as much as I wish I didn't. The guilt was already eating away from me. I looked down and started reading again.

_Dear Diary  
__Sometimes I used to often ask myself why.  
__Why do I try?  
__Why do I care?  
__Why do I think they care? _

_Now I wonder why I bother living, when no-one seems to care.  
Today had started off great. But I'm in my dorm now (the Head-Girl dorm) and I'm crying. I've been crying for an immensely long time and I just can't seem to stop. Malfoy's words echo in my head and the tears fall silently down my face. _

_I know I must look terrible as I feel terrible. Let me confide in you about the worst day in my life. And I've had some pretty bad days. _

_I was happy this morning as I got on the train with Ron and Harry but as soon as Malfoy came in everything came spiralling downwards. Although he made no comment on my new make-over, which I detest my Mother making me do. _

_I was self-conscious before, and with only being at Hogwarts for a few hours, I can already see eyes following me around everywhere. I just want the floor to swallow me alive. I feel worse now, knowing that when people look my way, they look at me and not at the 'Golden Boy.' _

_It was at the feast that __he_ _ruined everything. I thought Malfoy had been mean before but I never thought that he could posses such evil. I actually thought he used to have a heart, but I can see that he won't ever know or feel the beauty of real friendship and love. It used to break my heart, even if it was Malfoy. _

_Everyone deserves to be able to feel love I once thought. _

_But as far as I'm concerned, Malfoy can go the deepest pits of Hell and die, a long, slow and excruciatingly painful death. Then maybe he would understand the amount of pain he has made me feel over the years. And most of all, right now. _

_He has called me many names over the years, but never in this greatest amount, or this amount of spite. He knows exactly what to say to make people crack. _

_The only highlight of the night, which is even very dim, was when I slapped him across the face. _

_We both stormed angrily out of the Great Hall after Professor Dumbledore yelled at us. He's such a bastard sometimes._

_I had asked him what his problem was after we were out of earshot. He said that I was his problem. That he didn't want to see me every morning and night. He said that he's rather kill himself than share a dorm with me.  
It's not something that someone would be happy about. No-one wants to hear that they are about as wanted as a toe-fungal disease. That they are unwanted, and unworthy of life. _

_I knew Malfoy hated me, but to hear that's he'd rather die then just share a measly dorm with me stung. Sorry, that's an understatement. It burned! _

_Of course, I wouldn't let him see that, so I yelled at him some more. This, unfortunately, didn't make me feel any better about the situation. _

_Then he replies, like a boy-toy saying that any other girl would want to live with him. This made me really angry. I wasn't like any other girl, I had told him._

_Then he came back with the same insult that I've heard so many times before from him. But somehow him, saying it now made my blood runs cold. _

"_You are a filthy, dirty, Mudblood Gryffindor," Malfoy said. Then he told me I shouldn't be here, at Hogwarts. _

_It was like I was cut, sliced open with an incredibly sharp knife. _

_Tears started forming in my eyes and I willed myself not to let them fall. _

"_Your new make-over, is it called, makes you look like a tramp! Stop pretending Granger. You'll never fit in; you're still the same as always. It doesn't matter if your hair isn't bushy, or you actually put on make-up now. It doesn't matter! Because everyone will look through it all and see the dirty, disgusting Mudblood that you are!" Malfoy had told me._

_Each insult formed another cut. Getting deeper and deeper with each. _

'_Tramp', another cut.  
'Never fit in', another cut deeper. _

'_Still the same.' I knew this already, but it still cut deep._

'_It doesn't matter.' Then why do I bother trying at anything?_

'_Dirty!' Another slice._

'_Disgusting.' A new slice right through my stomach._

'_Mudblood!'_

_Stab me in the heart why don't you? For it would cause less pain than that of your words._

_I knew that my tears had gone against my will and were falling down my face. I knew that it would wreck my make-up. But just as Malfoy said, 'It doesn't matter,' so I didn't try to wipe them away. _

'_Why?' was all I said before walking away. _

_I had no energy to yell back, to even say another sentence. It was as if his words had sucked the life out of me. Just like a Dementor's Kiss. But even that is painless. And I'm feeling much more pain than I, or any other person, should be able to feel. _

_All the way to our portrait of the young boy tears were falling down my face. I made no sound as they fell. Not a sniffle, not a whimper. _

_Silence._

'_Semper exsisto fidelis,' was the password Malfoy had told the young boy. _

_Always be true._

_What kind of password is that if the truth can make you feel so much pain?_

_If the truth would hurt a person, would you still tell them the truth, even if you knew that it would cause them pain? Even if you knew that lying would be a better option, as you knew that the pain would be too immense for that person to bear.  
__Would you tell them what was true, or what they needed to hear?  
__I don't think Malfoy even thought of the pain someone can feel with just a few words. But I doubt that even if he did that he would not stop. It seems in his nature to cause pain._

_One of the hardest things to understand is how he can actually enjoy it. How he can enjoy putting people down and insulting them; I honestly don't know._

_I didn't stop to look around the room. To be honest, everything seemed dull. The colours that I saw looked dull and depressing and when I first looked in here I wanted to scream. It was all too bright. Way to bright for the way I feel. Red seems like such a happy colour. _

_But happy was far from what I was, and still am feeling. _

_I've been writing too long. My hand is sore. I know I could heal it if I wished, but the pain is welcome. The feeling of physical pain overrides the emotional pain, so for a short amount of time as I write this I feel sane. _

_I have to stop though. Classes start tomorrow and I don't want to be late.  
But why do I even bother? No-one will care. Just like Malfoy said. It doesn't matter; no-one cares about me. No-one will care if I don't turn up, if I'm late. Ron and Harry won't notice. I'll tell a simple lie, like being at the library, and they'll believe me. They won't bother to look further, to see that I'm lying. _

_They simply won't care._

_And it kills me to know that, to know that they won't care if I was dying. They wouldn't care if I had an extremely rare disease that didn't have a cure. They would forget about me and move on. They'd find another girl and another book-worm to copy homework off._

_And I would be forgotten, just like an old book, thrown away and forgotten, just a mere memory that they hide in the deepest part of their head. _

_Because, to put it simply, I don't matter. And they don't care._

_Those six words, which are haunting me already._

_I  
__Don't  
__Matter._

_They  
__Don't  
__Care._

_So, now I'm going to cry myself to sleep because no-one cares what I do. _

_Night, Diary. _

_I wouldn't dare say "Good-Night." Because I know my dreams will be haunted about people that just don't care._

I tear myself away from Granger's diary entry, feeling sick. Her words have been burned into my skull. I will myself not to go to the next entry, but I must. I must know why she would want to cut herself. Although I have a fair idea anyway.  
I take a deep breath and turn the next page, which is an entry from the following morning.

_I woke up this morning from nightmares. It wasn't my usual normal nightmare where Voldemort is chasing after me. Oh, no. It's much worse._

_I'm surrounded by my friends: Harry, Ron, Ginny, Lavender, Luna, and Parvarti. _

_And numerous of my enemies: Malfoy, Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Blaise._

_They were in a circle around me and they were yelling at me. They were yelling numerous things about me that were terrible._

_That I was fat, ugly, dumb. Malfoy's insults were variations of "Dirty, filthy, Mudblood."_

_And I was lying in the middle crying my heart out._

_Ron and Harry were yelling at me that they only pretended to be friends with me because I was smart and they wanted to copy homework from me. _

_Then they walked in, making the circle smaller and smaller. Harry threw the first punch, then Ron, and it went round the circle, one at a time taking turns at kicking and punching me, while still yelling insults at me._

_Even in the dream, I could feel the pain exploding through my body. The excruciating pain they were inflicting on me. And I cried, and cried. I rolled myself into a ball and just cried. I didn't attempt to stop them for I was weak and they had broken my wand._

_It wasn't only my wand that they broke, or my skin. It was my will to live. _

_I let them hit and kick me. Revelling in the pain I felt, and I smiled as I knew it would be over soon.  
__Although death, didn't come as quickly as I would have liked. _

_As it got to Malfoy and with a big smirk on his face he said to me._

"_You're worthless Granger. No-one cares and you don't matter." Then he pulled out his wand and aimed it at me. Before I found out what the spell was I woke up, sweating and panting. _

_But instead of crying like a nightmare would usually make me do, I stared into the dim light of the early morning._

_I felt nothing. Not the pain, not an emotion. _

_Nothing._

_I was, I figured out, numb. _

_And I didn't like it! If I was unable to feel pain then was I human? To be human, you have emotions, and I had lost mine._

_Malfoy's words echoed inside my head and still I felt nothing. Neither pain nor anger. _

_I got out of bad and walked quietly to my bathroom, knowing that Malfoy would still be asleep. _

_As I crept back in my room I went back to my bed and sat in the middle of it, crossed legged. _

_I looked blankly at the item I had taken. _

_My razor._

_I stared at it. _

_I had heard in the Muggle world, some people cut themselves to help them. They inflicted pain on their body to help forget their emotional pain. I had read in a teenager's magazine that it was said to help, but that people got addicted so it became very dangerous._

_I frowned slightly at the razor. Surely you couldn't get addicted at cutting yourself? _

_I took a deep breath and pressed my razor to my wrist. I hissed at the pain I felt as the blade crossed my skin. I smiled as I saw the beads of blood seep out of the wound. _

_It was then I figured out that I did have emotions and I was human. They were just hidden underneath my skin. I had to bring blood to feel. _

_Then, the bleeding stopped and I frowned. _

_I brought my razor along my skin again, this time pressing harder. This made it draw more blood. I smiled, strangely, it didn't hurt as much but I revelled in the feeling. _

_I watched as the blood flowed from the wound. It flowed over and ran down the side of my wrist and onto the bed sheets. _

_I cut twice more, wanting to watch the blood seep and flow from the cuts._

_All up I had four cuts, all on my left wrist. I knew they would be easily hidden underneath the uniform. No-one had to know. _

_Then my anger flared. It didn't matter if anyone found out, because they wouldn't care. _

_I threw my razor at the wall, screaming. _

_I sat on my bed and cried, hysterically. Why did I bother doing this when no-one would care enough to notice? So why would I cut myself to make me feel if their words were pain enough. _

_I got up screaming in anger and frustration. I wiped the dripped blood from my cuts hissing at the pain from the fresh cuts. _

_I stormed to my desk and started throwing my items all around the room. I ran to be dresser drawers and I started throwing my clothes everywhere. _

_I trashed my room, throwing everything everywhere. _

_I didn't care if Malfoy woke up. I didn't care if he got angry. It didn't matter. This made me angrier and I picked up _Hogwarts, a History_ from my bookshelf and threw it across the room. _

"_Why?" I had screamed hysterically. I was still crying at this point and soon enough I had forgotten why I was angry in the first place. _

_I sat on my bed and stared at my now messy room. I stared blankly at it for a few minutes before grabbing my wand and cleaning it up. _

_Then, I had a shower and got ready for classes. I hid my scars underneath my school shirt and made my way to the Great Hall._

_As I walked to Harry and Ron, who were already there stuffing their faces, I put a smile on my face. I knew it didn't reach my eyes, but as I sat down and talked to them they didn't notice any different._

_This made me want to cry. I knew they would notice. The three words haunted me._

They don't care.

_I hid my pain and pretended like nothing was up. Subconsciously I found myself grazing my scars underneath my shirt all day. _

_I really hope no-one noticed. But the three words haunted me again._

They don't care.

_As soon as I reached my room after classes were over I started crying. Why? It seemed to be a question I asked a lot. _

_I cried and I didn't bother trying to hide it from Malfoy when he came in. I snapped at him when he saw my face and asked what was wrong._

_I was confused, at first, although I didn't let it show. Why would he even bother asking? Why would he care? Or better yet, why would he _pretend_ to care. It was beyond me_

_At dinner I ate little, as I had lost my appetite, and still Ron and Harry saw and said nothing._

_I'm beginning to think they need glasses. Well, Harry may need better ones. _

_Presently, I'm in my room and my razor is beside me. I am contemplating whether to cut again. _

_Another few cuts couldn't hurt, could it?_

I closed her diary and felt like running to the bathroom and throwing up. I couldn't believe that Granger would do that.

I feel terrible.

That's a first. I've never felt terrible about anything, unless it was about Father.

But how could I not feel terrible? I had made a young woman cut herself. I made her inflict harm to herself just because she couldn't feel the pain of my words.

I made a witch cut. There haven't been any recordings of self-infliction of witches and wizards in decades!

I was disgusted with myself for not realising that words truly can ruin someone's life.

I know, this might sound weird coming from me. Merlin, even me thinking it sounded weird! But Granger's words cut deep. Just like mine had to hers.

I didn't know how I would react when I saw Granger tomorrow.

Should I apologize? Or should I pretend like I read nothing?

No, I couldn't pretend that I hadn't read her diary. It would eat away at me until I did something.

But I couldn't apologize.

Maybe I should tell a teacher? Or Dumbledore. Then it can be their problem.

No, because I would still feel responsible.

Severus Snape.

I thought I can talk to him, from a Slytherin to a Slytherin.

I truly hope I could trust him; he wouldn't dare go to Dumbledore would he?

I was stuck and I hoped that he could help. I had no idea what to do if he couldn't. I couldn't try and be friends with her. She'd think I'd be lying.

Although I had read her diary, and feel bad for causing her immense pain, I just can't see myself being friends with her. We've hated each other for the last 6 years, just because I read her diary doesn't mean I'm going to be friends with her straight away.

I hid her diary underneath my pillow and turned off my light and I sighed into my pillow.

I didn't think I would get to sleep any time soon, but I needed to rest and think.

Granger's words are etched into my head, and I just hope that I can help her stop etching things into her skin.

Wow, what do you know? I actually want to help someone else other than myself. Maybe there are such things as miracles.

I closed my eyes, and tried to think happy things.

I failed miserably.

Today was full of surprises and secrets and to be frank, I don't think I could handle another.

* * *

_Did you like it?  
I really hope you did.  
I kept trying to figure out what to write. I have a fair idea of what's going happen, it's just the way of getting it from my head onto the page.  
Do you think I should put another diary entry in? I wasn't sure how much I wanted to put in, so I only used 2. _

_Click that button! Tell me your thoughts about it!  
Please, please please.  
REVIEW!!!_

_Love Heart_


	5. SheWhoMustNotBeNamed

_Hey Readers! _

_Sorry I haven't updated anything for a while. My internet has been crashing and it's finally decided to work, so I'm putting up another chapter because at any stage my internet my decide to shit itself again. _

_This chapter went in the completly different direction than what I had planned but I think it turned out better.  
__So I hope you enjoy another chapter of "Change Of Heart." _

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I woke up with a groan. I had a terrible dream. It was about Granger. I had only read two of her diary entries and she was haunting me already!

In my dream I had heard her get up so I followed her. She was holding a letter, but I couldn't read who it was addressed to without making my presence shown. I followed her right up to the Astronomy tower. She walked up the stairs to the roof, I followed with caution. It wasn't until I hid behind the door that I saw that she was crying. She charmed the letter for it to stay on the roof until someone found it.

She walked to the edge of the roof and looked down. I suddenly realised what she was doing. I burst open the door.

"_No!" _I yelled and she looked back, startled.

"_It's too late," _she said sadly. She got up on the balls of her feet and put her hands in the air, like a diving stance and jumped off the roof.

"_No!" _I yelled running forward trying to stop her. It was too late.

That was when I woke up screaming, a horrible way to start a day.

I'm being haunted!

I shook off the feeling and got ready for a new day. I had no idea how I would react to Granger. Hopefully she would ignore me today, and the rest of the week.

Hopefully.

I tried to forget, but it was impossible. Her words had been etched into my head and it was like trying to write with no ink. It just wasn't going to happen. I had to face the consequences of reading her diary, something I regret so very much.

I was dressed and was wondering what to do now. My stomach rumbled which meant I was on my way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

I crept silently from my room, trying to avoid Granger.

I felt like an idiot.

I probably looked like one too. I had successfully avoided an absent Granger, so all my creeping skills had been for nothing. I strode in the Great Hall and walked towards my table. I forced myself not to look at the Gryffindor table. But my eyes weren't obeying me and I found myself looking for Granger with my peripherals.

I saw none of her long brown hair, or her so called best friends Scarhead and Weasel. It seemed odd that they all weren't here. It's Saturday, usually one of them are here.

_How do I know that?_ I frown inwardly. I don't really follow them around do I? I didn't think I did.

Great, just another problem to keep my mind occupied. I walked slowly towards Pansy and Theo. Vince and Greg aren't there, surprisingly. They love their food.

"Hi," I mumble as I slid into my seat.

"Draco!" Pansy squeals happily and grabs my arm. I hold back a groan. Seriously, could she get any more annoying?

"Hey Pans," I grumble grabbing some toast.

"Hey Draco," Theo greets me as he takes a sip of pumpkin juice.

"What are you doing today?" Pansy asks me happily. I take a bite of toast, thoughtful. Maybe I can read someone else's diary, find out they're sick and want to throw up again. _Not!_

"I dunno, why?" I ask her.

"I want to go to Hogsmeade today and grab some things." I hold back yet another groan. It looks like I was stuck with Pansy today, _again._

"Oh, okay. Sounds like fun," I reply. _Someone_ _get me a bucket!_ Today was going to be a long day.

"Can I come too? I want to get some stuff from Zonko's and Honeydukes," Theo said, grabbing another piece of bacon.

Thank you Theo! My head was throwing a party.

"Sure!" I say happily. Least I wouldn't have to spend the whole day alone with her.

I was sure that I saw Pansy pout from the corner of my eyes. I hid back a grin. She wasn't happy at Theo at all.

I had almost forgotten Granger. _Almost._ But I was forced back into memory when the Golden Trio walked through the doors. Scarhead and Weasel walked in first. They were laughing, looking happy. Granger was walking slowly behind them, she tried to smile but I knew it wasn't how she felt.

As soon as I saw her eyes all I wanted was to go over to her and hug her and tell her that everything would be alright. But I knew that I could never do that…in public. But I knew I would never have the courage to even attempt to touch her! Let alone hug her.

But I wanted to do it, dearly.

Her eyes were full of hurt and pain. She had a smile on but I knew it was forced; it simply just didn't reach her eyes. The words of her diary came flooding back like I was reading it now.

As if she knew what I was thinking her face turned ever so slightly towards me. I looked her right in the eyes, wanting to look anywhere else but her, but I forced myself to look at her. She stared right back. She looked confused. Then she blushed and looked away.

I frowned back at my food. I had lost my appetite. I pushed my plate away and look a gulp of juice.

"Are you okay Draco?" Pansy asked, grabbing my arm in concern. I tugged my arm out of her grasp.

"Fine. I just got a massive stomach ache. I don't think I should go to Hogsmeade with you. Sorry," I say weakly, passing a sincere and sorry glance towards Theo who looked like he needed a bucket too. I knew that he wouldn't want to spend that much time with Pansy either.

"Oh, Dray Dray! Maybe you should go to Madam Pomphrey," Pansy said, grabbing my arm.

"Okay, I will." Just another lie of lies. I took another mouthful of juice before getting up and walking out of the Great Hall. I will myself not to look back, but I do. But not searching for Pansy, but Granger.

My heart felt like it stopped in my chest as I saw she was looking straight back at me.

She looked confused again. She was looking at me, as if she was trying to solve a difficult math problem in her head.

It was me this time that had to blush and look away. I shake my head, trying to get her out of my head. It wasn't working. Her face was stuck in my head.

I walked quickly out of the corridor towards my dorm. I quickly said the password and rushed in. I was having an adrenaline rush. I needed to know what Granger had written lately. I needed to see if she had found sense. I needed to see if she was still cutting.

I raced upstairs to my room and jumped on my bed. Then I hesitated. Did I really want to know? Yes! My mind was shouting at me. I pulled Granger's copied diary from underneath my pillow and removed the invisible ink charm.

I took a deep breath and turned to the newest entry. It was from last night.

_Dear Diary.  
Harry and Ron still haven't noticed. It only makes me want to do it more. I'm so useless they don't care about me.  
__I must be way too ugly and dumb to be noticed by them.  
__I've made a plan to make them notice me. I must make myself prettier.  
__I know I am way to fat. So I've started to eat less. Well, I've started to eat nothing at all. It's not as hard as I would have imagined. I found a way to make sure that they don't notice, not that they would, but just in case.  
__I put a small amount of food on my plate, only healthy food, and just push it around. Then just make an excuse to leave. Something like, to study, or to sleep or something stupid like that.  
__But they don't care enough to notice that I never eat a single bite or I never go where I say I am.  
__They don't care._

I didn't need to read anymore. It proved my suspicion. But then again, made it worse. Now she wasn't eating. How many problems could she have?

Okay. Think Draco think!

What can I do to help without her knowing it's me?

I started pacing my room, thinking. I knew that she had some sort of pull over me. I figured that out when I blushed and looked away from her. Malfoy's never blush!

But I wasn't going to admit that to her, or anybody! It was to be my secret.

Think Draco!

Letters! I'll write her letters. No. Urgh! That sounds so corny! No, I'm defiantly not writing letters.

Something else, something that will let her know that she doesn't have to harm herself.

This whole 'helping other people other than myself' is much harder than I expected. This is one reason why I don't bother. It takes way too much effort that I'm willing to give. Seriously, I could do so much better things with my time.

No, stay on track Draco! A girl's life could be at stake.

_A Mudblood's life._

No, a girl's life. It shouldn't matter if she is a mud-… Muggleborn.

Just because she has a problem she's got me going all Hufflepuff.

If Father hears about this, he _will_ kill me.

Literally.

Granger is screwing up my life so much. It's time such as these when I wished I never read her goddamned diary!

I sighed and just lay down on my bed. All this thinking about Granger made my head hurt. In an 'I can't get her out of my head' way. Which is never a good thing when you're a Pureblood and thinking about a Muggleborn.

There's that term again! Soon enough I'll be calling her Hermione. No! I'm jinxing myself! Goddamn it! I hate being confused, it's confusing. Oh Merlin, I just did it again. This is not helping me at all!

I'm only good at thinking up evil plans, plans that involve getting Potter into trouble. That is fun. This –thinking about Granger- is not fun! It's just plain annoying! She's stuck in my head like a _Permanent Sticking_ charm!

"This is not good. This is not good," I chant softly to myself. I close my eyes and squeeze the bridge of my nose. This is way too much to handle.

I see pictures of Granger drifting through my head. One's where she is happy and laughing. Oh Merlin. This is getting serious.

"What is happening to me?!" I groan getting up and pacing my room once more. "This has never happened to me before." I scrunched up my eyes in frustration. "This is wrong! It's so wrong!" I scream into my empty room.

"Argh!" I yell in frustration. I pick up my Transfiguration book from my desk and throw it at my wall. It makes a satisfactory 'Thud.' I take a deep breath and my shoulders sag. "I am so screwed. I'm so very much screwed."

I take a seat at my desk and wonder where my life went so wrong. Of course, it all leaded back to Granger, who I did _not_ want to think about. But she was in my head again like a Saint Bernard dog, always following me around.

Great Merlin! Now I'm quoting Muggle animals.

_This is bloody perfect!_

I take another deep breath before deciding to take a shower. I walk out of my room and walk straight into Granger. Just another goddamn problem!

"Argh!" I scream, pushing her out of my way before reaching the bathroom and slamming the door behind me. I didn't notice Granger's crushed face. "I'm going fucking insane!" I yell at the mirror. I'm so angry and frustrated I'd forgotten why I was angry and frustrated in the first place.

Sorry, that was a lie. I know exactly why I'm angry and frustrated. It's the goddamned Muggleborn that lives in the same fucking dorm as me! The same goddamn chick who is fucking cutting herself and not eating! The same fucking girl who is best friends with the fucking Boy-Who-Lived!

I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was red and my hair was askew. It took me several deep breaths to calm myself down enough to turn the shower taps on.

I quickly undressed, trying to keep my mind blank - which I was failing miserably, and got into the shower.

I sighed in contentment, letting the hot water run over my body. The Granger popped into my head again which made me think even more about her. And thinking about a girl in the shower is never a good idea.

"Bad, naughty thoughts. Bad, wrong!" I chant, banging my head softly on the shower stall wall. But the images would not leave my head. So without washing my hair –which was like, a crime to me- and washing myself I jumped out of the shower, grabbed my towel and got the hell out of there!

I passed no Head-Girl, to my relief, and got dressed into a pair of black pants and a green t-shirt. I had a plan to get her out of my head. It was the only thing I could do to escape the terrible place they call school.

I grabbed my broom, a Firebolt that Father had given me for Christmas, and walked subtly out of the dorm. I kept clear of the Great Hall just in case Pansy and Theo hadn't left yet.

As soon as I got out in the clear air I felt my head getting clearer. I took a deep breath of the fresh air and continued my journey to the Quidittch pitch. I jumped up on my broom as soon as I reached the pitch and before I knew it I was up in the air, and my mind was clear of Granger.

I loved flying, loved the feeling the air gave when it rushed through my hair, which was getting dried at the same time too. So it was a three-way win to me. I got to fly, my hair was getting the sexy wind-blown hair I know people love and Granger was out of my head.

Okay, stay on track. Which basically meant, stop thinking and just fly. I raced through the air and did a few laps of the pitch before taking off over the Forbidden Forest.

I was so lost in flying that I hadn't noticed it was lunch time. See, all that time I could have wasted thinking about Granger I spent it doing something I love.

Great progress I think.

I flew back down to the pitch and dismounted. I propped my broom on my shoulder and headed back to the castle. I strode back into the castle and headed back to me dorm, ignoring the admiring stares of the lower year girls. I subtly snuck into the dorm, which was very stupid because Granger was probably at lunch. Then, at which point I remembered that Granger doesn't eat so she might be in her room. Which made me remember her and all her problems; it was then, that I remembered why I was so angry and frustrated before.

Oh Merlin! Granger's problems are causing _me_ problems. I sighed, unhappily and walked up the stairs to my room, not seeing Granger- thank you Merlin!

I placed my broom back in my closet and collapsed on my bed. There had only been a week of school and I had already stuffed up my life for the rest of the year.

I am beginning to think I'm getting some severe mental problems.

After a long nice shower (washing my hair included and bad thoughts of Granger _not_ included) I collapsed onto my bed once again. My mind was blank of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and before I knew it I was asleep.

My eyes fluttered opened and I groaned. I rubbed my eyes and looked around my room. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw someone was standing in my doorway.

"Holy shit Granger! What are you doing here?" I asked, still a big groggy. Her eyes went wide and her mouth opened and closed but no words were coming out. "Spit it out Granger. Do you need anything?"

What a dumb question to ask her! Of course she needs something. She needs fucking help!

"Sorry," she said startled, "I don't really know why I'm here."

Of course she doesn't. She probably hasn't had any food to help make her brain work properly.

"Oh. Um, okay. Why aren't you in Hogsmeade with Scarhead and Weasel?" I asked, getting in a sitting position.

"Malfoy, it's past dinner time. You've been asleep for hours," Granger said shyly.

"Holy shit really?" I asked. I looked around, this time noticing that there really was no light coming from the window.

"Yes, if you go quickly you might be able to catch some dessert," she said softly, looking really uncomfortable.

"Granger, what's wrong?" I asked. I could see she was uncomfortable and perhaps this conversation might be good for her.

"What? Nothing," she said quickly, far too quickly.

"Granger, I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind," I looked at her and there was fear in her eyes, "I know you're uncomfortable and not happy."

I saw Granger swallow nervously. She looked around the room as if looking for an escape. She was looking the wrong way. If she wanted to leave all she had to do was turn around and walk out the door.

"What are you talking about?" she said, playing dumb.

"Granger, I made you _cry_ on the first day back. Okay," I said, this might actually be good for both of us. I get to apologize and she gets a friend…wait. What did I just think? Friends, umm, no thanks!

Okay, it probably wouldn't be _that_ bad.

Shit, who am I kidding?

"And then the next day I came back into the dorm and you were crying _again_. Okay, and it's probably all my fault and I take full responsibility but it wouldn't take a blind man to see that you are unhappy with your so called friends Scarhead and Weasel."

"It's not your fault," she said softly, looking at the ground. I could see she was fighting back tears.

"Yes it is. I was a jerk, a self-centred pompous-assed jerk." I said blankly getting up.

"Yeah? Well what changed?" she glared angrily at me, her eyes watering.

"You don't need to know the specifics only that I found out something that literally changed my way of thinking," I spoke softly. I knew if she ever found out I read her diary I would probably wish I'd never been born.

"What was it?"

"Nothing you need to know." Seriously, she _doesn't_ need to know.

She sighed and her shoulders sagged. She wiped away her tears and looked me in the eyes. "It's okay, I wouldn't tell me either."

With that she turned and fled with a sob. Without thinking I was out the door after her.

"Granger wait up! What do you mean "I wouldn't tell me either."?" I asked her, grabbing her arm before she could escape to her room. Okay, I was totally playing dumb, but I needed her to see if she could explain.

"Nothing, it meant nothing," she said blankly.

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she asked shocked.

"You're lying. And you are obviously upset! What the hell is wrong with you?" I yell, and she winces at my voice.

"You don't understand," she said whimpering.

"Well explain it to me then!" I said angrily.

"No!" she said softly, avoiding my eyes.

"Why the hell not Granger? Obviously I'm the only one who has noticed so that must mean something!" I basically scream at her. Then she looks me in the eyes, her's are showing pain, confusion and hurt.

"You want to know what that means?" she asks me bluntly.

"Yes." Finally! She might tell me something I don't already know.

"It means that my so called friends aren't really my friends!" she screamed at me, "It means that they don't care enough to notice me! They don't care about anyone else except for themselves! It means that my friends just don't fucking care about me at all!"

Whoa, I was not expecting _that_! My eyes widened, I never thought that she would actually admit that to me.

"What aren't they seeing? What are they supposed to be noticing?" I asked her urgently, I was still playing dumb.

"Everything," she murmurs softly at the ground, her anger completely gone. Then she looks me in the eyes and says bluntly "They just have to notice me."

"Why? Can't you just find new friends?" I ask. Granger has a lot of problems.

"It's not that easy," she mumbles.

"Why not?"

"Because my only other friends are Ginny, and none of her friends like me," she says softly.

"What about the Patil twins, Brown and Looney Lovegood?" I ask, confused. Was Ginny really her only friend?

"No. I know for a fact that they are only using me to be with Harry. But I think Lavender likes Ron," she said softly. I could hear the pain in her voice.

"What about Luna? Is she using you too?"

"No. She's my friend. But she has her own world and there isn't enough space for me," she said sadly.

Well no wonder she was depressed. She has two friends who are ignoring her and other friends who are just using her. Boy is she screwed up.

"So you're all alone?" I ask slowly, not really understanding it at all.

"Yes," she said, then looked up at my confused face. "Why do you look like you're confused? Isn't this what you wanted? Me weak so you can kick me while I'm down?"

Her eyes were watering again.

"Granger, I am confused! You should have plenty of friends! You are smart, pretty and you can be funny and happy when you aren't moping around. It just doesn't make sense why your friends can't see that!" I said earnestly.

Whoa, rewind. Did I just say she was pretty? Oh Merlin! Think before you speak Draco! Think before you speak.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she cries softly, "You should be hating me, instead you are being nice to me. I'm so confused."

"To be honest, it was never really part of the plan. But I just think it's easier to be nice to you because I am seeing the real you where else before I was just seeing the you that you wanted everyone else to see," I said slowly, trying to figure out if my words were making any sense. "To be honest I couldn't believe it when Scarhead became friends with you and the Weasel instead of me. He chose the Weasel over me! Okay, I'll admit, I was a little jealous, but mostly angry. I think that's why I hated you."

"But I'm a Mudblood," she said shaking her head.

"No, you are Muggleborn."

She looks up sharply and stares at me, as if trying to figure out what was my deal.

"Is this a joke?" she asks suddenly.

"What? No!" I tell her, surprised.

"Then have you been drugged?" she asks suspiciously.

"Um, not that I know of," I said slowly.

"Are you not Malfoy at all? Are you a Polyjuiced version?" She asked, still weary.

"Oh dear Merlin! Granger I've been asleep for hours. If I was a fake I would have changed back. Why can't you just realise that I'm trying to be nice?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized, looking down, "It's just that you're the last person I would have expected to be nice and try to help me."

"I know."

"I think I need to go to sleep now, you know, to think things over," Granger said softly.

"Of course, I'm sure I'll find something to keep me occupied until I'm tired," I replied, stepping back to give her some room.

"I have a Dreamless Sleep potion if you want it," Granger told me.

"Oh, thanks, but no thanks," I said smiling.

"I won't poison it, if that's what you're afraid about," she said shyly, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"No, it's not that. I trust you. I just need to do something relaxing. I might go flying again," I smiled at her.

"Oh," she said, frowning slightly, "okay. Good-night Malfoy."

"Draco."

"What?" she asked me, puzzled.

"My name is Draco. You may call me by my first name," I told her.

Why did I say that? Seriously. Only my friends use my first name. She is really getting into my head.

"Oh okay," she said, smiling, "then I guess it's Good-night, Draco."

Oh Merlin! Just hearing her say my name made my heart race.

_Fuck!_

"Good night Gra-"I stopped before starting again, "Good-night Hermione."

Then she smiled right at me. A real smile, one that reached her eyes. It was the first genuine smile that I've seen her wear all week.

My heart glowed with pride. I guess this is why some people like helping other people. They like knowing that they've helped someone who could have been worse off.

Then, with a smile on her lips and happiness in her eyes she walked through the portrait of her mother to her room.

* * *

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_Love Heart._


	6. Don't Lose Hope

_Sorry for the long wait. I'd had internet crashes and massive writers block but I have finally completed another chapter. _

**Enjoy!**

P.S It's a real shitty start. Sorry!

* * *

I grinned at Aphrodite, who smiled back.

"You're doing a wonderful job already," she said to me.

"Thanks. I wasn't really planning that but I think it worked out better than expected," I said running my fingers through my hair.

"Well it worked wonderfully."

"Yes it did. I'm going to try and catch some sleep now. Can you keep looking after her for me please?" I ask.

"Sure. If she does anything I'll just go through your room via Salazar. By the way," she said as I turned to leave, "I really think your password needs changing. It doesn't have much meaning now does it?"

"Hmm, I suppose not. I'll go change it to something more suitable," I said contemplating. My password to my room "Will I ever know," didn't seem very fitting now.

"Then good-night Mr. Malfoy," Aphrodite said before her portrait sunk back through the wall.

"Good night," I murmured to the blank door. I sighed and turned away to my room. I spoke the password to Salazar before collapsing on my bed.

"I think that went well," a voice spoke.

"Oh yeah it did. Now I just have to hope she stops self-inflicting," I said to Salazar who was petting a snake from his portrait.

"But was it really necessary to call her by her first name? I mean, she _is_ a Mudblood," Salazar asked.

"Don't call her that!" I fumed.

_What has gotten into me?"_

"Why ever not? That's what she is!"

"She is _Muggleborn!_ Who happens to be a great witch!" I replied angrily at him.

Merlin! She's messing with my head! I groan into my bed.

"Well, well well. Look whose changed sides," Salazar said snidely.

He could be a real bastard sometimes.

"I know! It's frustrating as hell so leave me alone!" I grumble.

_Think happy things, happy things. _I picture Potter falling off his broom. Oh, yes. That is a wonderful thought.

"I need to change my password too," I say to an iffy Slytherin.

"Fine, what do you want it to be?" he asks, annoyed.

"Umm, what about G_rate Umquam Secundum_?"

_Happily Ever After._

"Very well. Password changed," Slytherin said.

I closed my eyes and thought about Hermione. I didn't think about they way she was now, but rather the years before now, when she was happy.

How could she have lost so much? How could her life start to derail so much?

Oh, right! It was me! I thought, mentally slapping myself.

But maybe I was just the trigger. Maybe she had so many other, oh sorry, I mean more, promblems I could only dream of. Hell, I had a shit-arsed father but even he couldn't make me go cut myself, because I knew that was what he would want. He'd want to see me weak.

Oh Merlin! My life is so hectic!

Surprisingly enough, with my head swarming with questions about Hermione that I knew would probably never be answered, I managed to get to sleep.

When I woke it was early morning. Very early morning. It was only dawn as I saw that the sun was only just coming up over the hills. I knew that I had had way too much sleep than I normally would have so I knew I would not get much more sleep. I decided to go flying again as I knew that would make me worn out, and maybe a little bit tired. So I got up and changed into my Quidditch practise uniform and headed out.

I walked out into the fresh air outside and took a few deep breaths. I loved the way the air smelt in the morning. I headed out to the pitch and grabbed my broom which was heavily guarded in the closet in the Slytherin changing rooms. I grabbed the set of balls needed for my practise and headed onto the field.

I cast a few charms into the air so that when I flew obstacles would appear so I could practise my dodging and weaving. I released the Snitch and gave it a 30 second head start. Then I planted my feet on the ground, my hands gripping my broom and I pushed down off the ground and I was in the air. The sudden gust of air made me smile. I was circling the pitch looking for the Snitch when the first obstacle arose.

It came out of nowhere and I quickly rolled on my broom and flew under it. I grinned at my skill and took off again, racing around the pitch. MY eyes zoomed around the pitch, stopping at the end goals where the Snitch was hovering aroung the middle post. I sped ahead after it when another obstacle appeared. I had to brake, well try, at the speeds I was going it was hard to stop, slightly and do another roll and fly right to dodge it.

The Snitch was within 5 metres of me when something at the Astronomy tower caught my eye. Before I started practicing I didn't bother to sweep the area to check if anyone else was around. But it was barely 6 in the morning, on a Sunday. No-one in their right mind would chose to get up at this insanely early time.

I cast another spell so the obstacles would dissapear and the Snitch would go back in the box. I took off slowly towards the tower. I had a sneaking suspicion of who it would be. As I had perfect 20-20 vision I could see from a far distance away that my suspicion proved right. I flew back around to the pitch and decided to fly around the back of the tower. I wanted to see what she could possibly be doing awake this early in the morning.

I saw her, as I got closer the tower, that she was wearing her sleeping gown and pyjamas. She had her knee's brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. The position made her seem so small and sad. I came around the side and saw she was just staring out into the rising sun. Her eyes were glassy, making her seem as she wasn't in this time, but in the past, in her memories.

I felt stupid just sitting on my broom in mid-air looking at a girl so I flew towards the tower so I was able to step on it. I landed with a soft 'thud' and got off my broom. I walked slowly towards her, not really thinking it through. I sat down next to her, close, but not too close that she would think that I was invading her space.

She still hadn't noticed I was there. She was still looking out at the distance, she was still miles away.

"Hermione?" I asked softly. I got no reply. "Hermione?" I said a little bit louder. She stayed still. She looked so vulnerable. "Hermione?" I repeated, placing my hand gently on her shoulder. I got a sharp jump from her. She squealed, turning violently to me.

"Malfoy?" she squeaked in disbelief. Great, we're back to surnames.

"Hermione, what are you doing up here?" I asked her softly, removing my hand form her as I saw he eyeing it.

"Why are you here?" she asked softly, ignoring my question. Hermione shifted her body away from me more, though still keeping eye contact.

"I was out flying and I saw you. Are you okay?" I reply, hoping that she wouldn't jump up in a fit of rage and decide she wanted to throw herself off the top of the tower. That would be catastrophic.

"I'm fine," she whispered, looking away and into the distance again.

"Really?" I ask, not believing her.

"Really," she murmurs.

"I don't believe you."

"I really don't care."

"But you want them to, don't you?" I ask her. Hermione snaps her head towards me and gives me a confused look.

"Just what are you implying?" she questions.

"Hermione, you told me last night that your own friends didn't notice how unhappy you were and how visibly upset you are. All you want them to do is care, right? You want them to notice you, not for just being smart," I pause, looking at her reaction. Her eyes were watering and she looked away from me, "But for being everything else that you are. But they can't see that can they?"

She looked sadly at me, tears falling silently down her face. "And you do?"

I replied with a simple "Yes."

"Why?"

"Why what?" I asked, confused.

"Why do you see and they don't?" Hermione asks me softly. She hugs herself tighter.

"Because I know that not everything can be as it seems. I don't live in a fairytale anymore. I can face things and realise that maybe, just maybe, not everyone can and does have the perfect little life they may seem to have," I explain, "I see, because I _look._"

She looks at me in awe, still visibly upset, so I continue. "I see your pain, Hermione, because your so-called friends are too blind to see that their best friend is hurting, that she needs someone that she can depend on, someone she can trust with her life. You need someone you will be there for you, no matter what."

"Haven't you just listened to what you just said? You said you don't live in a fairytale anymore but obviously you are because there is no-one out there that I can depend on enough to trust them with my life. No cares enough about me to be there," she asks me, shaking her head slightly at her own words, tears streaking her face.

"Maybe you aren't looking hard enough," I state.

"Maybe you are looking too hard, making your brain see things that aren't really there," she replies. She puts her head between her knee's and sighs. It seems that she really has lost hope.

"Don't lose hope Hermione," I say softly.

"Why?"

"Because it's the only thing that can save us."

"Save us? From what?" Hermione asks.

"Ourselves."

"That sounds extremely poetic Malfoy. Something I wouldn't have expected of you," she answers, looking out towards the land below.

"There is alot of things you don't know about me," I state, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"Yes," she murmurs softly, "I'm begininning to think I don't know you at all."

We are silent for a moment, but it isn't awkward. We are both just simply lost in our own thoughts.

I found it much easier to talk to her now. It seemed we had some sort of understanding, without really understanding each other.

That made almost nil sense.

I glanced at her and saw she was staring out at the distance, again.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask her softly. She turned her head slowly towards mine. Our eyes lock and I find myself staring into her bloodshot brown eyes, mesmerized.

"I'm wondering where everything in my life went wrong. When, all of a sudden it was turned upside down. I feel a completly different person now than when I came here at the start of the year," she replies, then goes staring back out at the distance.

"Hmm," I murmur.

What the hell do I say now?

"What about you?" She asks me, not turning to face me.

"I'm wondering when my perspective on you changed. Was it when I realised you were unhappy and sad with the Golden Boy or was it when I realised even the most perfect people could feel worthless and unworthy to keep on living," I reply, and she looked at me, puzzled.

"What makes you think I think I'm worthless and I don't want to keep on living?"

"Because you are sitting up on the tallest tower in Hogwarts, hugging your legs to your chest making you seem very vulnerable. You are also sitting relativly close to the edge, which makes me ponder just what you were thinking before I came over. Maybe you would have jumped," I said speculating.

"I wouldn't have jumped," was all she murmured.

"Of course you wouldn't have. Because you think that by killing yourself wouldn't make your friends care about you would it? If, when you're dead, you can feel things, looking apon the earth, seeing no-one mourn you, wouldn't make you feel any better, and therefore wouldn't solve the promblem at hand," I continue.

"And what's the problem at hand?" She asks.

I said three words. And those three words made her weep.

"You are depressed."

She removed her hands from her knees and sobbed openly into her hands. She cried and cired and I felt positivly useless. I scooted over close to her and did something I never thought I would do. But I seemed to be doing that alot so I shrugged off the thought.

I placed my arms around her shoulders and whispered soothing words into her ear. She surprised me by moving so she was sobbing into my chest. Her hands were placed awkwardly on my chest but she didn't seem fazed, so I just held her closer.

"It's okay, I'm going to help you through it," I murmured softly. _I think_, I added mentally.

She gave no respone, just continued to weep into my chest more. I rubbed her back in a soothing motion and after what seemed like days her sobs got quieter and soon she was only sniffling. I did nothing to move her, I just let her do whatever she wanted. After another few minutes she looked up at me, her eyes very bloodshot and puffy.

"Why are you helping me?" she asks hopelessly, sniffling again.

"Because I can. More importantly, because I want to."

Wait. Really?

_Yes!_

Oh, right. Of course I do!

This made her wrap her hands around my body and hold me close. "I really don't know why you are doing this, but thank you," she whispers into my ear.

"Let's get out of here. We'll go get some food from the kitchens," I said and I felt her stiffen, then relax.

Good. I was hoping that wouldn't make up some excuse not to eat. I felt her nod against my shoulder and I helped her up. She stood up and rubbed her eyes and I walked over and grabbed my broom. Her eyes widened at the sight of my broom.

"Can't I just take the stairs?" She asked, staring, like an owl, at my broom.

"No. It'll feel good, trust me," I said, mounting my broom, holding out my hand. She quivered, walking over slowlyand taking my hand. "Don't worry, I won't crash."

"It's not the crashing I'm worried about," she whimpers.

"You think I'm going to drop you?" I ask, incrediously.

"No. I think I'll fall," she trembles.

"Don't worry, just hold onto me and we'll be on the ground before you can say 'Quidditch.'" I said, pulling her over.

"I really don't want to do this," she murmurs but walks next to the broom anyway.

"It's okay. Now, put one foot over the broom, just like I have, and put your hands around my waist." She did slowly, then she placed her hands on my hips, then pulled her hands back, as if zapped. "Hold on, Hermione, or you _will_ fall off," I instruct her and with a squeal of horror she grasps her hands around my waist and locks her hands together at my stomach.

"Ready?" I ask over my shoulder. She whimpers and buries her head into my back. "Okay," I say chuckling, "off we go." And I press off the tower and into the air. Hermione squeals again, but it turns into a scream as I dive down towards the ground. I slow down and become level.

"Hermione, calm down or you're going to wake up half the school."

"Okay," she mumbles into my back.

I zoom ahead again, closer to the pitch. But just for her amusement I dive down, then as we near the ground I race up into the sky, doing a few rolls. This time Hermione cannot stop her screams as I roll in mid-air. I laugh as I hear her and feel her arms grasping very tightly around my waist. I take her out of her misery and fly back to the ground. I land perfectly and notice she doesn't move her arms.

"Err. Hermione? You can let go now," I chuckle, nervously.

"We are on land?" She asks. I turn my head to look at her and she has her eyes closed. I tap her thigh and she opens her eyes. "Oh. Thank Merlin for that."

She struggles to remove her hands but she hops off the broom, and having the feeling of legs like they're filled with jelly, she wobbles around lands, on her back on the ground. "Ow." She says, frowning slightly, but doesn't motion to try and get up at all. I run over to her, used to the feeling.

"That was weird, and scary. Let's never do that again," she said looking up at me.

"Agreed," I grin, holding out my hand, to help her get up. She grabs my arm and I pull her up. She dusts herself off and looks at me.

"Where do we go from here?" she asks me, uneasy.

"The kitchens," I replied, pointing towards the castle. She smiles softly. I charm my broom so it goes back to the changing rooms. Then I start walking towards Hogwarts, motioning for Hermione to follow. She steps in stide beside me and we walk silently up to the castle. It's nearly 7 so most students would still be asleep.

Hermione pulls her gown tighter around her body as we walk into the doors. We walk side-by-side through the empty corridors towards the kitchens. I wonder whether I should try and hold her hand but as soon as I try to grab it she puts them in her gown pocket. I don't try again, but when we reach the fruit bowl, I tickle the pear and the portrait swings open.

"Ladies first," I annouce, gesturing her to enter. She smiles softly again and walks through. I duck my head, as being 6'6 it can be a struggle to walk through doors meant for elves. When I enter I find Hermione already talking to a couple of elves, one that looks strangely familliar and another who seems that they wish not be here. I walk over to her.

The one that looked famillar was wearing some of the weirdest things. He was wearing one gold sock and one green sock, both knitted, and many different, muti-coloured, things that resembled hats. It made the strangest image.

"Ordering already?" I ask, happily.

"Oh, no. I'm just talking to some old friends," she said, gesturing to the elves, "Dobby and Winky."

Of course! Our old elf. That damned Harry Potter freed him. I smiled politely as I could. Dobby took a big gulp, obviously reconising me. I smirked down at them.

"What do you want?" I ask Hermione.

"I don't know. What would you recommend Dobby?" she asks, looking at Dobby.

"The eggs are particularly good this morning Miss Granger. Duky also made the bacon just right, it's nice and crispy Miss!" Dobby said happily.

"Okay, eggs and bacon it is," I said, "can you send two serves, plus some toast and a jug of pumpkin juice to our rooms?" I asked him. He seemed less afraid now.

"Okay. Can we go now? I'm a bit chilly," Hermione said, rubbing her arms.

"Miss can have some hot coco for the trip back. Yes?" Dobby said happily. Then a group of elves came rushing over with a tray of two mugs of hot coco, each with its own mini marshmellows.

"Thank you Dobby," I say, taking a mug, while Hermione takes the other. She blows the top then takes a sip.

"Mmm. It's really good, thank you," she said and Dobby grinned.

"Always a pleasure Mr. and Miss. Your breakfast will be arriving at your dorm soon." With that, and a good-bye we exited the kitchens and headed back towards our dorm. Unfortunatly our portrait gave us some grief for waking him up, but let us in never the less.

We walked through, both almost finished our hot drink. The elves had placed the hot food on the table and started the fire. The room was very warm and we both sat down at the lounge. We took a plate each and started eating. We were not talking, but it felt better that way. Besides, I wouldn't know what to say anyway.

How do you start up a conversation with your ex-mortal enemy who happens to be depressed? No, seriously, I need the pointers.

After a while both plates were clean and the jug of pumkin juice almost empty. We were very full. We sat there for a few moments, just staring at the fireplace, the flames dancing around. She was the one who spoke first.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said softly, turning to me.

"Okay. I should probably have one too." We each climbed the stairs and entering our own bathrooms. After we were both cleansed and dressed in more comfortable clothing and went downstairs and just sat on the lounge. Hermione had come down the stairs in a pair of track suit pants and a oversized jumper. She sat on the recliner, stretched out and closed her eyes. I just laid on the lounge, pondering what to do, and say.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask softly, hoping she wouldn't get mad.

"Not particularly," was the soft reply. She didn't open her eyes but her face showed sadness.

"You're going to have to talk about it sometime," I reply. I really wanted her to open up.

"And now is not the time. You cannot imagine what I'm feeling right now. Up untill last night we hated each other, now you're being nice to me. You can't just expect me to trust you straight away. It'll take time for me to adjust that you aren't out to get me," she said softly.

"Of course. How silly of me, sorry," I apologized.

"It's fine," Hermione said softly. But I wondered if it ever would be.

What if I couldn't get her life back on track? What if she could never trust me? What if she really did end up throwing herself off the top of the Astronomy tower?

My head was swimming with answers that I feared I would never get the answers too. And on the slight chance I did, well I wasn't particularly sure if I wanted to know them.

* * *

_Aha! Some progress. Started off pretty lame but it got better didn't it?_

_REVIEW so I know what you think of it. _

_P.S I really need a new title. I've seen a few with similar titles. Need new one. Send through Review or PM. May put good ones up in a vote._


	7. Tell Me

_SORRY! Forgive me, please? I had such bad writers block and typed this up as soon as I got inspired. Hope you enjoy. _

_There is a Poll up now on my profile for the name change. Please vote as many times as you'd like. Next chapter the title will be changed. _

_There may be a few mistakes because it isn't Beta read. Sorry!_

_Now, without any further ado:_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

I stared at the fire and thought of everything that had just happened. My hands moved unconsciously to my waist where Hermione held me on my broomstick. I do not know why I did it, or how long I stayed in that position on our lounge lost in my own thoughts. Nevertheless, my thoughts were extracted when I heard a large crash from upstairs. I had jumped from the lounge and bounded upstairs. I could hear sobbing from the bathroom. I walked over, slowly, cautiously. I pushed open the door and was shocked.

Hermione was on the ground, surrounded by broken glass shards from the mirror. She was just sitting there, crying, as quiet as she wanted to be I could still hear her. What made my blood freeze was when I bent down to sit next to her; in her right hand, she held a particularly long and sharp glass shard.

"Hermione?" I asked, banishing the glass shards around us. "Hermione, are you okay?"

I sat next to her and she turned to look at me, tears streaming down her face.

"You have no idea how many times I've looked in the mirror and not recognised myself. All the pieces," she sobbed, "they just don't match up."

She held the piece of glass up in front of her face, moving it around, and then she dropped it on the ground, startling me. "Draco, I don't recognise myself! No matter how many times I look in a mirror and from whatever angle I still look like a stranger. I think I'm going insane," she added sadly, tears still rolling down her face.

I looked at her sadly, not knowing what to say, and just wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She just clung to me as if a little lost child clung to their favourite teddy bear. She didn't sob and weep but I could feel my shirt getting damper from her tears that were sliding down silently down her face. I held onto her for as long as she needed. She did not say anything, or squirm and wriggle as if she was uncomfortable. Soon I realised that her breath had slowed and her arms gone a little limp.

She had fallen asleep.

I sighed heavily and carefully picked her up. I walked slowly towards her room.

"Aphrodite?" I asked towards the blank door. Aphrodite revealed herself almost instantly.

"Oh, my. What happened?"

"She fell asleep. She's exhausted," I explain, walking through the portrait door that Aphrodite had just opened.

I sighed as I looked around. Her room was still black. I walked over and placed her on her bed. She wriggled as if to get comfortable, then I conjured a blanket and placed it over her.

She looked so… happy, as if she didn't have a care in the world. Maybe that's why we dream. Maybe it's because in our dreams, we can forget our problems and we can be whoever we want to be. We can do what ever we want to do and no one can stop us.

I sighed, and started standing up to leave when I stopped. I wanted to be here when she woke up. Instead, I just pulled up her desk chair and faced it towards her bed. I sat down and stretched my legs.

After a while, I had to resort to doing something. I raided her personal bookshelf and noticed we had similar tastes. I grabbed a book and just sat down and relaxed. I was almost half way through when I noticed Hermione was stirring. She murmured softly before her eyes fluttered open.

"Draco!" she said surprised, "you're still here."

"Of course," I replied, marking my place in the book.

"How did you get in?" she asked, pulling the blanket up to her chin.

"Aphrodite let me in," I explained, "She saw you were asleep."

"Oh, so you met her have you," she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said softly.

_Okay, this is an awkward silence._

"Hey, get up. Let's go downstairs," I said, breaking the ice.

I stood up and held out my hand.

"Why?"

"Hermione, look around you, this room is depressing." I gestured to the black painted room. She looked uncomfortable.

"I like it here," she mumbled.

"Why?"

"I feel safe here," she whispered, tears making her eyes shine.

"You'll be safe with me," I promised.

"Okay," she said uncertainly. I'll meet you downstairs. I'll just get changed."

I nodded politely and left. I didn't relise she was trying to get rid of me until much later. It had been over twenty minutes and she still didn't grace the room with her presence. Therefore, I took another visit to her room.

Aphrodite appeared just as I stood in front of Hermione's door.

"What's taking her so long?" I asked.

"Nothing, she's not coming out. She's requested for me to not let you in," Aphrodite replied.

"What? Why?" I demanded.

"She's just lost and confused," she tried to explain.

"I'm trying to help her!" I replied exasperatedly.

"Maybe she doesn't need help," she snapped back.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked outraged. "Of course she needs help!"

"Not from you!" She retorted.

"Who else does she have?" I asked frustrated. Just open the damned door!

"She has her friends."

"That's a lie and you know it! Her friends wouldn't notice if it was in the Daily Prophet!" I yelled at her accusingly.

"Maybe they just don't want to let anyone know what they know," she replied. However, she was losing the battle.

"This is ridiculous! I'm not going to stand here arguing with you," I replied angrily.

"Fine, I need some peace and quiet anyway."

I stood there a moment and then turned on my heels and stormed downstairs.

Aphrodite had changed completely, and not for the better. She was ignoring what was in front of her.

I paced the room angrily before deciding on taking action. Hermione wanted help. Well she was going to get it.

I left the dorm and started heading towards the Great hall. They should be awake. I strode through the doors and spotted them immediately. The jet black and red hair wasn't hard to miss. I strode up to them and cleared my thought. They turned and looked at me.

"Can I help you Malfoy?" Weasley asked annoyed, obviously upset that I had disturbed his breakfast.

"It's not me you need to help," I replied, my Slytherin faced on.

"Excuse me?" Potter asked. Salazar! They were much stupider than they looked.

"Really, Potter. Learn to listen," I said rolling my eyes.

"Malfoy, piss off!" said Weasel-Bee.

"Not until you listen to me!" I replied hotly.

"Okay, speak," Scar-Head, said reasonably.

I was going to go straight to the point.

"Have you noticed any differences with Granger? You know, maybe she's always quiet, never laughing. Anything like that?" I asked. They looked at me like I had gone mad.

"No. Why?" Potter asked. Salazar Slytherin! He needed better glasses.

"Okay. I'm going to be very blunt, and she just may kill me for it. Granger is depressed, chronically."

"What?" Weasley asked stupidly.

"Granger is depressed. You know, sad and angry. Feels worthless, wants to die? Any of that ringing a bell?" I explain, totally wasting my time, and the Weasel turns red. "She needs your help."

"She can't be depressed," Potter, said shaking his head.

"No? Then tell me why she changed her whole room décor black. Tell me, Potter, why she's been crying everyday after classes. _Tell me_," I said menacingly, "why I found her this morning on the Astronomy roof, far too close to the edge. Tell me why she cried into my chest because she felt worthless!"

"You're lying," Weasley said, still choosing not to believe me.

I yelled furiously before storming out of the Hall. I could feel the eyes of everyone on my back but I ignored them.

Potter and Weasley wanted proof? Well they were going to get it. I raced back to my dorm and climbed up the stairs, two at a time. I found all the proof that I needed and headed back to the Great Hall. I dropped it on their table.

They jumped.

"What are you doing with 'Mione's diary?" Ron squeaked.

"It's only a copy. I dare you to read one of the most recent entries. Read all of it…if you can," I added.

Potter looked hasty, as if he was afraid of what he would find. He should be afraid.

They turned to the entry from the start of term, where it all began. Potter must read faster because he looked green first, but then again, Weasley _is_ a Weasley so I suppose I wouldn't be able to notice anyway. I wouldn't be able to see past his ugly freckled face.

_Salazar, I'm such an arse!_

Potter was speechless…as he should be.

"You didn't notice," I said angrily through gritted teeth.

"W-where is she?" he asked softly, stammering.

"In her room, she won't let me in," I explained annoyed. Seriously, I was trying to _help_ her.

"Why would she let you in?" Weasel said accusingly.

"Why shouldn't she? I've been the one who had seen it," I snapped back heatedly.

"Stop fighting! We have to help her," Potter said, interrupting us.

"Well, Potter, I believe you're finally making sense for once," I replied, rolling my eyes.

He sneered at me before getting up.

"She doesn't know you have this does she?" He asked, tapping Hermione's' diary.

"No, and I want it to stay that way, thank you very much. She doesn't know that I know she cuts. Let's just keep this between us," I replied.

"Why shouldn't tell her?" Weasley asked. He definitely had issues.

"Ron, stop. As much as I hate this situation, he's right. She'll be more upset if she knew," Potter said reasonably.

Wow, maybe he isn't the idiot I always thought he was.

The Weasel gave a non-committal grunt.

"Can you take us to her?" Potter asked. I nodded and turned to leave. Potter and Weasel-Bee got up too, Hermione's diary in their pockets.

"Follow me," I said walking out of the Great Hall. No doubt, the scene would have looked odd. Sev would be calling for me soon. _Great, just another problem._

"I can't believe I've never been here," Weasley said as he walked through the portrait.

"You can't?" I asked mocking him, eyes-brows raised. He flushed red…well, red-der.

I showed them upstairs. Aphrodite gasped and her hand flew to her throat.

"What have you done?" She screeched.

"The right thing, Hermione needs her friends, so open up," I demanded.

"No! I'm not allowed too," She defended. Potter and Weasley shared bewildered looks.

I pulled out my wand and pointed it menacingly at her.

"Open up, or you'll be in a million pieces," I warned. Her faced flickered with fear.

"Oh, fine. I'll get you back for it later," she huffed and reluctantly swung opened. As I predicted, there were gasps from behind me. They obviously were eying the decoration.

I walked forward a small step.

"Hermione?" I asked into the dark room.

Had I done the right thing?

"Harry? Ron?" I heard a weak voice say.

This is the decisive moment.

I felt my heart beating so fast I felt that Potter and Weasley could hear it.

"Hey," Potter replied weakly. "Can we come in?"

"No."

Oh, damn. I hadn't spilled everything for nothing had I?

"Why not?" He pestered softly.

"I don't want you here," she answered softly.

"Hermione, it's okay. We can help you through this," Potter explained.

Weasley was just standing there like a gargoyle. How pathetic, can't even help his best friend in her time of need.

"You can't help me," I heard her reply meekly. Her voice made her sound so, so…defeated, as if she had lost all hope. I thought we were finally making progress.

"Hermione let us help you!" I said exasperatedly.

"Go away," she said weakly, but still forcefully. "No. Not unless you talk to us," Harry demanded softly.

_Ronald_ stayed silent. Did he care at all? He looked very uncomfortable, as if he wanted to be anywhere _but_ here.

"Then I hope you have fun waiting forever. I won't talk to you. You can't help me," she cried sorrowfully.

My plan failed. Potter failed to let her open up and now I felt like a complete loser, which is a rare occurrence as a Malfoy.

I pulled the still Gryffindor's away from the doorway and it swung shut. She wasn't going to talk anytime soon.

"Are you happy now?" Aphrodite asked grumpily. She had her arms crossed and was sitting on a bench.

"Not particularly, no," I replied annoyed.

"Well that worked," Potter said sarcastically.

"Least I tried! The stupid Weasel Bee didn't do anything!" I defended myself. "He just stood there looking like an idiot!" I pointed at the Weasel.

"Well what the hell was I supposed to say?" he asked going redder.

"I don't know! But you shouldn't have just stood there! She's your best friend! You're supposed to be helping her!" I yelled incredulously.

"And you're her enemy!"

"My point exactly! I'm not supposed to like her but here I am trying to _help her_!" I explained, positively fuming. Weasley looked flustered.

"Stop it!" Potter said grouchy. I stared at him. "This isn't helping her!"

He was right. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

_Inhale. Exhale._

I opened my eyes and saw Potter looking at me.

"What?" I asked. Was there something on my face?

"Err. Nothing, I've just never seen this side of you before," he said shyly. My face darkened.

"Did you really think that I was a naturally pompous arsed jerk?" I asked stupidly.

"Well, umm, yeah," Potter said looking uncomfortable.

"This is stupid. Come and get me when she comes out. I'll leave you to finish your male bonding," Weasel said angrily, before storming back downstairs. My eyes followed him until he was out of sight. I jumped slightly at the sound of him slamming the door.

"What an arsehole," we said simultaneously. We smiled weakly at each other.

"Do you want to wait downstairs?"

"Sure," Potter said uncomfortably.

Therefore, Potter and I walked down the stairs, looked and acting civil. I think it must have been a record.

We each settled into an armchair, I in a green one, Potter in a red one.

We were only sitting for a few moments before he spoke.

"How long have you known?" I felt uneasy.

"We had a fight on the first night back. She sort of, how shall I put this? She started deteriorating after that. It wasn't until a few days after that I realised that she was mentally ill," I replied.

"So, it's your entire fault?" he accused slowly.

I made a face. "I suppose you could say that. I said some hurtful things to her. I regret that now," I said simply.

"You regret it?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Potter, teasing you and your friends is supposed to be harmless fun. I do not want her to _kill_ herself. Then who would I compete against in class?" I added cheekily.

"What did you call her?" He asked weary on my answer.

"You do _not_ want to know," I said sheepishly.

"That bad?"

"That bad."

He whistled. It made me feel worse.

We were silent for a while after that. It wasn't as awkward as it could be it was comfortable. Although I found the situation very strange, I was oddly comforted knowing that Potter knew as well. Now I wasn't the only one that could help her.

I leaned back in my chair and somehow found myself waking up later.

"Wha-?" I mumbled in an a very un-Malfoy way. Potter chuckled so he received one of my death stares. He shut his mouth faster than you could have said "Avada Kedavra."

"I'll be right back," I said mysteriously, giving Potter another evil look.

I hope that my hair wouldn't be too bad. I was glad I didn't snore! That would have been super embarrassing. I strode up the stairs and went straight to the bathroom. Okay, it wasn't too bad. However, it was a bit too messy to get the whole I-just-got-out-of-bed look. I tamed it but then decided to check for hex and jinxes just in case.

Potter had perfect opportunity to hex me. I cast the simple charm at myself and I glowed green, telling me that I was safe. I let out a breath.

I gave myself one more look in the mirror before descending back downstairs. Potter was reading a book and seems completely at ease.

"You read?" I asked surprises, talking up my seat again.

"Of course. You didn't think that I was just the wizard who 'defeated' Voldemort all those years ago and fought him almost every single year after would just sit around gloating about it?" he spoke looking up.

"No," I replied back snarky. "U thought that you sat around gloating while everyone else waited on you hand and foot." I smirk at him and he laughs sarcastically. "And then, of course, there are the days where you just lie in bed and wonder if the Dark Lord hadn't killed your parents, how different you life would have been. Then you lay there wallowing in you own self-pity. Then," I add on a happier note, "you get up and start your day like any other and gloat…again."

Potter stares wordlessly at me.

"I don't gloat," he replied, frowning.

"Sure," I replied sarcastically. Again, Potter's face turned hard.

"D you honestly think I wanted this life?" he asked annoyed.

"No, of course not, I was just joke--." He cut me off.

"No, I didn't want this life. Nevertheless, I have it anyway. For your information, _Malfoy_, I wake up everyday and wonder if it's the last time I will wake up. Because, for all I know Voldemort could come into Hogwarts and kill me, today. Dumbledore won't always be here! Voldemort will kill me. It might not be by his own hand, but he will…one day," he replied harshly.

"Potter, calm down," I said quietly.

"Don't tell me to calm down! You're not the one who has the most powerful Dark wizard after your head! You don't have the whole of the Wizarding world watching your every move just because Voldemort killed your parents, but not you. And because of that you have a scar on your face," he fumed.

"Your right. I don't know. I'm sorry," I said surrendering. The situation was getting out of hand. Potter stared angrily at me for a moment.

To be truthful, staring at his angry emerald eyes were scary. They had seen such destruction and murderous things that most Aurours would see in their career. It suddenly occurred to me that Potter should have been the one most likely to turn depressed; he had so much more weighing on his head.

Slowly, his eyes softened and he looked away.

"I'm sorry. I just _hate_ when people think I have it all. I have nothing," he said softly.

"I know that keeping up appearances must be hard," I replied, understanding completely.

"Oh, yeah, really?" He asked snidely.

"You really don't think I want to be a Death Eater like my father do you? I asked cynically.

"Don't you?"

I pulled the sleeve of my left arm, showing my bare forearm.

"See that? No mark."

"Yeah, so?" Potter asked confused.

"My arm is blank, Potter. I intend for it to stay that way." I pulled my sleeve back down.

"So you don't follow Voldemort?"

"Potter, let me put this to you simply, a way that you can understand. I'm a Malfoy, therefore, a pureblood. I don't kneel to anyone, let alone to the feet of some crazed half-blood who wants to rid the world of Muggles and Muggle-borns and who wants to take over the world, it's barbaric," I explained bluntly.

"Right, so we've been the same side, how long?" Potter asked.

"Listen, Potter. Just because I don't follow, Voldemort doesn't mean I'm following a Muggle-loving Dumbledore. I don't think he's in his right mind either," I said smiling softly. Potter shares a weak smile.

"Then whose side are you on?"

"No ones. But if I had to fight for a side, it wouldn't be the Dark."

Potter looked genuinely surprised.

"So you're not evil?"

"Not."

Potter sighs heavily and slumps back in his chair.

"Do you know how many years Ron and I were convinced that you were evil?" he asked exasperatedly. I smiled sheepishly. "If something had happened we automatically thought it was you."

"Potter, let me give this to you straight. Just because I'm not into torturing Muggles, and evil, doesn't mean I'm a saint."

"Well if we knew you weren't evil it would have saved us a lot of hassle and hard-work in our Second year.

"Why?" I asked and Potter looked sheepish.

"Remember how there was a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, but no one knew it was actually a basilisk?"

"Ahh, yes. I also seem to recall Lockhart's Valentines Day gnomes. The one Mini-Weasley sent you were quite amazing," I replied chuckling, clasping my hands together.

Potter blushed, "Yes, well, anyway. Do you also remember how the wall said: 'Enemy of the heir, Beware.'?"

"Of course."

"And then when everyone saw it you said: 'You'll be next Mud bloods'?"

"Faintly," I grimaced. My mind was working in overdrive to figure out where this conversation was heading.

"Well, we thought the heir was you?"

Say what?

"'We' are being…?"

"Hermione, Ron and myself."

"Hermione?" I asked surprised.

"We proved that you weren't," he said quickly.

I eyed him suspiciously. "Oh yeah, how? For all you and I know I could be related to Slytherin."

"Still, but you weren't _the_ heir of Slytherin…" He finished my mumbled something under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"We made Polyjuice potion and Ron and I changed into Crabbe and Goyle and talked to you about it," he said uncomfortably.

Whoa. I defiantly wasn't expecting that! In second year? Hermione must have brewed it, Potter and Weasley would have blown each other up. I know how complicated that potion is.

"Polyjuice potion? How did you get the book? It would have been in the Restricted Section of the Library."

"Lockhart," he answered simply. Of course, he would have given Hermione anything she asked. Then something clicked.

"Hang on. What about Hermione? Why didn't she use the potion as well? I asked confused.

Potter grinned. "Do you remember her being in the Hospital Wing for a few weeks and everyone thought she had been Petrified?"

"Yeah," I said, still uncertain where this was going.

"She accidently put a cat's hair in the potion, not human hair," Potter said, stopping there, leaving me to figure it out. It clicked automatically.

"No!" I exclaimed, grinning like a maniac. "She transformed into a cat?"

"Yep. She had a tail and everything!" he said laughing. I burst out laughing and tried to imagine what she would have looked like.

"How is that possible?" I asked breathlessly.

"She mixed up Millicent Bulstrode's hair with her cat. She had gotten them off her robes at the Duelling Club Lockhart had," Potter explained and I started laughing again.

"She'd probably look better as a cat then as Millicent," I joke and Potter cracked another grin.

"What are you two laughing about?" I heard a soft voice ask from the stairwell.

I stood up quickly and turned around.

"Hermione," I breathed and strode towards her. I heard Potter get up from his chair as well.

Hermione looked over my shoulder and I saw her body tremble from the sight of Potter.

"Hey Herm," he said softly, looking at her. She threw herself at him, threw her arms around him, and cried softly into his chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," Potter, whispered back, holding her close. I didn't want to interrupt their little meeting so I didn't say anything.

"I should have told you about it. I should have told you so he could have been hurt, just like I was," she cried.

Whoa. What? That was totally unnecessary.

"Hey! I'm right here," I pointed out.

She detached herself from Potter and stared angrily at me. "Yeah, you are," she replied, wiping her tears away. It was only a moment later when her fist interacted with my cheek.

"Oww!" I exclaimed stumbling back.

He punch felt en times harder than Third Year.

"I hate you!" she spat at me furiously.

What!?

* * *

_Hahaa. Another evil cliffy! Sorry, sorry, sorry!  
But I had to do it. _

_Tell me what you think of it._

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	8. Inner Battles

_Another instalment. A lot earlier this time too. :) Yay!  
__I will wait another chapter before I'll change the name. So go to my profile and vote now!  
__Don't hate me, please!  
I love all the reviews I'm getting.  
Your responses are the reason I write. What use is writing if no one enjoys it. So..._

_**Enjoy**!_

* * *

I simply couldn't understand her sudden mood change. For a moment I thought she could have been bipolar or something equally as strange. But I know it wasn't the case.

Hermione hated me now and for some reason, I was upset. After everything that I'd done for her, she stabs me in the back. I had been kind to her, nice, considerate and _I _am punched in the face!

Not exactly, the type of '_thank you'_ I was looking for.

She seldom speaks to me now. It'd been okay for a few days but the change I've seen was magnifying. She'd gone from being depressed and moody to angry and frustrated!

I think I liked the depressed version better; at least _she_ would talk to me.

Her diary wasn't giving me much and I'm starting to think she knows. Potter wouldn't have told her, but the loser, Weasley would have.

From what little I did get from her diary she's still secretly irritated with Potter and Weasley. I just don't know why, she just is.

I have figured out something else though. I think she's still cutting. I've tried to catch her in the act, or graze her arms by 'accident' but all my efforts were futile.

I would talk to her, but no matter what I say, she doesn't answer me. At all! Ever since she spat that, she hated me she never talked to me again unless it was time for our Head Boy/Girl duties. But I always got the feeling she really wants to say something.

On numerous occasions, she looks up from her books or works and opens her mouth, as if to speak, however, she always frowns and turns back angrily to her studies.

I've tried to get her to walk to me. I'd brush past her to get her attention, but she always freezes up, yells at me, and then storms away.

I find myself constantly asking myself why I care. Potter and the Weasel know, so she's in safe hands. She's just bugging me. My thoughts are always somehow related to her. It was worrying.

_Why is she leaving dinner early?_

_Why is she doing up in her room?_

_Does she really hate me?_

_Why do I care if she hates me or not?_

My brain is constantly answering my questions with pointless, sarcastic, and annoying answers.

_She's going to the library. Oh, so mysterious!_

_Sleeping, studying, who cares?_

_Of course, she hates you! You're a Slytherin, smart-arse jerk!_

_Because you're an arsehole, whose finally thinking with your own head instead of your fathers' head._

Granger was positively infuriating me. She was messing with my head, which was affecting my classes. I was constantly having conversations with myself.

It was the first sign of madness.

I was infuriating myself, with myself. Soon enough my friends (and I) are now starting to think I really am going insane.

I want, _need_ to be in control. This whole situation was spiralling out of my control before I even had a chance to grasp it.

I needed answers. She was driving me insane, and being insane is not something I want to be.

Then again, I wouldn't really know if I was insane, would I? I mean, when you're insane you don't have a proper grasp of reality. So maybe I've been insane all this time and never known it? Because when you're insane, you don't really know you're insane, right.  
Moreover, why should I judge crazy people? Perhaps crazy people are perfectly happy being in their own little world, oblivious of the real life around them.

I'm not sure. No one has probably ever asked them. Then who really knows if insane people know whether they're happy or not? Perhaps they are upset but in their own world they think that means being happy?

Oh Merlin! I think I really am going insane. I just drabbled on about being insane, not really listening to my own thoughts.

Okay. Breathe Draco, Breathe.

_Inhale. Exhale._

I stared up at the ceiling of my four-poster bed, perturbed.

I'd been in the dark too long and it would only be days before my mind would be filled with more Hermione.

I got up from my bed and strode angrily downstairs. She needed to talk to me now! She was still up, studying, like any other Friday night.

It'd been two weeks, two weeks too long.

She was sitting on an armchair, the floor around her covered with books, parchment, and other miscellaneous items.

Her long curly hair was pinned back in a pony tale but a few stray curls had escaped the hole and her lying on her face. She was wearing a pair of tight back jeans and a large red jumper, no doubt to hide her scars

Strangely enough, the side of Hermione made my heat beat faster. A _very_ uncomfortable thought.

"Hermione," I said loudly, storming up to her.

She pretended not to hear me.

"How long do you expect to give me the silent treatment?" I asked, thoroughly annoyed.

She continued to ignore me and kept on writing.

"Hermione, please!" I pleaded softly. "I need some answers."

Her quill stopped scratching on her parchment for a moment, Hermione sighed, and then she continued writing.  
I was getting a reaction at least.

"Hermione, I'm so confused," I continued, going on with the soft and pleading voice. "I tried to help you, hell, I even started liking you, then," I paused, as if to make it more dramatic, "then, you started hating me."

Hermione sighed heavily but still, she continued writing.

"I can't get you out of my head. You're imprinted there and I'm going insane by everything you're doing.

"You went straight from silent and depressed to loud and angry overnight. You can't just snap out of depression. It takes time and therapy. It doesn't happen over a period of hours.

"So, you're either still depressed, just hiding it better this time, or you were only cutting yourself for attention."

I'd hit a nerve. Her head flicked up, her quill stopped scratching against her parchment.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she snapped.

I raised my eyebrows. I grabbed her wrist and I heard her breath hitch. She stood up, her arm in my firm grip.

"Unhand me this instant!" she yelled, trying to be released.

I simply pulled up her sleeve. I almost dropped her arm in disgust. Her arm was covered in scars, some newer than others, but there was so many my eyes widened.

So many scars. Some were recent so I could hardly spot her first ones. Obviously, she forgot to mention _these_ in her diary.

Her arm was covered in them, crossing over each other. Some were short, others long. Some were deep and others just like a scratch.

I finally dropped my arm in disgust and she quickly pulled her sleeve down. I looked into her deep hazel eyes and saw they were glistening with unshed tears.

"How did you know?" she asked softly, her voice breaking.

"It doesn't matter. I was trying to help you Hermione! Why would you say that?" I replied softly.

"Because I did hate you. Why did it have to be you to see it?" she sobbed. "It had to be my enemy, someone I've disliked since 1st year!"

I noticed the past tense.

"You _'did'_ hate me?" I asked suspiciously.

She blushed softly, fidgeting with her hands. She quickly wiped away her falling tears.

"You remember when you said that you'd even started liking me?"

"Yeah," I said. I wasn't sure where this was going.

"Even after everything you put me through; I guess I started liking you too. And I hated you for that," she said with scorn.

My grey eyes met her brown ones for a single perfect moment, before she turned away, contempt in her eyes.

"All that anger…"

"It was only because you were frustrating me so much," she explained. "You still are," she admitted.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the information.

For two weeks, Hermione yelled at me if I tried to engage her in conversations. And it was all because she liked me…

Somehow, for some strange unknown reason, it was wonderful to hear. I wasn't disgusted or annoyed to hear that a Muggleborn like me, (hell, and half the schools female population liked me!). I think it was because what I'd said earlier was true. I did like her. Somehow, that didn't faze me either.

I wasn't sure what liking her entailed. Sure, I wanted to be her friend. But what was the alternative? Could it ever really be an option for us?

"So you don't hate me?" I asked, just to be sure.

"No," she replied painfully.

Maybe the alternative really could be a possibility for us.

"But why? Why would you…" I trailed off.

"Physical pain helps me overcome the emotional pain. It releases me of it," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head, as if to say it's not my fault.

"It is my fault! I was always mean to you! Not once, until two weeks ago did I ever say anything relatively nice to you. So you can't say it's not my fault!" I fumed. My hands were shaking.

"I've my own problems."

"Yeah. Created by yours truly!" I retorted, scoffing.

"You still don't understand," she cried. "Everyday I face problems, _inner battles_ that never cease. I have to be perfect. I _have_ to have perfect grades, perfect friends. I _have_ to have everything perfect."

"Why?" I asked furiously. "Why do you have to be perfect?"

"Because otherwise I'm not wanted at home!" she screeched before realising what she'd said.

What!?

Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened with horror before she scampered up the stairs towards her room. I was after her like a bolt of lightning.

She was just shutting her door when I jammed my hand in the doorway, trying to open it.

"Hermione, talk to me! Why wouldn't you be welcome at home?" I asked, pulling her door open.

I ignored Aphrodite's screaming.

"No!" she cried and I saw her cover her face.

I opened the door fully and hurried inside. Her décor was still red and black.

She was on her bed, her knees brought up to her chest and she was hugging them. She was rocking slightly.

"Hermione," I whispered placing my hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what you meant."

She looked into my eyes; her deep brown ones were showing fear.

"I can't," she barely whispered.

"Yes you can!" I persisted.

Hermione was just starting to talk to me, she wasn't going to be stopping now.

"You'll tell someone," she cried.

"Hermione, your secret's safe with me!" I urged.

"You told Harry and Ron before, didn't you?"

I groaned.

"That was only because you weren't talking to me!" I whined.

"You had no right! I didn't want to talk to you! You didn't have to go tell my best friends!" she complained.

"How long was I supposed to have waited? You could have been killing yourself, draining yourself of your own blood from your cuts! I had no choice!" I snapped at her angrily.

"You could have broken down the door or something," she reasoned.

I scoffed. "Oh sure, let's just rip a painting into a million pieces." My eyes gazed over a memory. "Which I actually threatened to do to Aphrodite."

I tried to stay on track. "Anyway, my point is, I felt like I had no other choice. I needed to help you, you just didn't want it," I ended sadly.

Hermione stayed silent. In the shallow moonlight of the night I could see her tears drying upon her face. She had felt such anger and sadness, it was no wonder she was messed in the head.

Again with the craziness. What was wrong with me and crazy people?

She was staring out the window, her blood-shot eyes gazing towards the moon.

We were both silent. Hermione would walk when she was ready.

"My father," she whispered softly, still gazing out at the moon. "started drinking heavily during the last holidays. He'd come home, after hours of drinking and he would always be so angry."

I closed my eyes. I could tell this wouldn't be a happy story.

"Once, he'd come home, drunk and angry as ever. I'd never seen him in such a rage," she cried. She closed her eyes, as if remembering that fateful night.

I put my arm around her to comfort her but she didn't move.

"He started yelling at me, 'you're a disgrace,' and 'you'll never be normal!' Even, 'your ugly and stupid! You shouldn't have been born!'"

It was too much for her to handle. She let out a sob and cried into my chest.

"You've n-no idea how hard it was to hear you should never have been born! By the only father you've ever known!"

I rubbed her back soothingly.

"I've never told anyone this, but my father thinks I'm a disgrace as well, just because I don't want to follow in his footsteps and become a Death Eater," I whispered to her, trying to be sympathising.

She sniffed and looked up at me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Maybe we aren't so different from each other after all."

"Yeah, maybe we aren't after all," I repeated quietly, holding Hermione close.

The peacefulness, calm situation didn't last long, not long at all!

"No," she whispered harshly, pushing me away. "No, no, no," she chanted, moving further and further away from me. Her eyes looked like she was in some kind of trance. She stood up from the bed.

"What?" I asked surprised.

She rubbed her eyes. "It's not right. No!"

"What are you talking about? What isn't right?" I asked, completely confused.

"This situation, it's wrong, not right," she whispered strangely, staring at the floor.

She was starting to sound crazy.

"Not right. Not right," she kept whispering repeatedly.

This situation now, wasn't right. Were there some pills she forgot to take?

"Hermione! Calm down! You're acting crazy!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm crazy am I?" she asked, her head snapping up.

"No, you're _acting_ crazy. There's a big difference!"

This was getting out of hand.

"No," she cried storming up to me. She backed me up into the wall. Uh-oh. "You're the one that's crazy! Crazy to think we could ever be friends!"

I was taller than she was, but she was still maddeningly frightening. I stared into her crazed eyes and I felt this pull, some sort of magnetic pull.

Her eyes widened and all of a sudden, her lips were on mine, attacking them.

Her lips were soft and smooth, but before I really had time to react she pulled away, a look of pure shock upon her face. Then her eyes glazed over again.

"Not right," she repeated in her strange voice.

I touched my lips. Hermione had kissed me!

Whoa!

"Not right. It's not right," she kept repeating, like some sort of broken record. She started pacing the room, fidgeting with her hands.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I was stumped as to what to say.

"Shower," she stated, stopping in her tracks. "Shower, need shower," she trailed off. Then she simply walked out the door, as if I wasn't there.

We'd talk about it tomorrow.

When she's acting normal, of course!

* * *

_Well, no wonder Hermione is screwed up in the head.  
I'll explain more about her father next chapter, so stay tuned for it.  
They kissed, even as briefly as they did, it still counts! I'm not sure whether to get Draco and Hermione together yet.  
__Hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later, but if you'd rather see them as just friends, tell me. I'll see how it all pans out. _

_Stay Tuned and Review..._

_Love Heart. _


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